Cancer. Everything causes cancer apparently- and I'm ****ing sick of hearing about it. Smoking, Television, Pylons, E numbers, Mobile phones, Microwave ovens... It's a long and dull list that I am both loathed and intellectually incapable of completing.
Let's be honest, breathing in and out is slowly killing us anyway, with each breath I draw I am one breath closer to death. Wherever I am, and whatever I am doing I am breathing in something that is harmful to my health, should I stop breathing for the good of my health? Breathing pure oxygen will kill you too, why? Is it not pure and clean and wonderful? I'll tell you why, it's because the body has to keep on dieing in order to live, so bring it on cancer it's meant to be.
It's not only that everything we do seemingly causes cancer that bothers me; it's the fact that it's everything convenient or fun in the world that seems to cause it. I want to smoke cause it's fun, my mobile phone sat in my pocket right now cancerising my balls and future children is very useful and the E numbers that I will undoubtedly consume in my big Mac meal later on will taste delicious.
I've come to the conclusion that it is completely unavoidable. The people that don't get cancer either die of something else before the cancer gets them or they're simply immune to it. They should find as many smokers as they can over the age of 100 that have miraculously escaped cancer, grind them up and put them in our water supply. That ought to sort it.
It's about time we all accepted we're either gonna get it or we're not and just damn well enjoy ourselves. In the mean time we should be putting all the tax on these cancerous abominations into finding a cure instead of into our collective governments pockets.
If there's one thing we're good at as a species it's killing ourselves, and killing each other, technically that's two things were good at but I'm not a big fan of the human race so I'm only giving you one.
You know what ****s me off? Mobile phone, insurance, loan, and car commercials. Completely irrelevant to cancer but I never guaranteed you a complete anti-cancer rant so you people at the back climbing pylons and choking on your cigarettes can shut the **** up.
Let's start with car commercials. "There are only two places you can go to get a used car, castle Donnington's 'available cars' and 'availablecar.com'". Well **** me is the human race in trouble. I get the distinct impression that one company owns both the showroom and the website, and if there's only two places I can get my car then there's no competition! Gee I sure hope the illiterate homeless faggot they employed to create that little display of homosexuality was just trying to get my custom.
Mobile phone ring tone commercials. Don't get me started on that whole new brand of puss-laden boils. How in the hell do they make a middle-aged man sound so excited as he sells Satan's latest marketing gimmicky puke? "Get the latest 'crazy frog' ring tone now and the commission I receive will be wired directly to my balls affording me an even more excitable voice for the next commercial!" I ****ing hate that ****ty frog, I'd like to insert a tube into his anus and blow till his guts popped all over the floor then I'd vomit on his remains and feed them to my cat.
Don't think his torture ends there mind you. I'd follow the cat round for days if I had to, regardless of how demented the cat would think I had become. Once the cat shat out my frog vomit I would sneak the remains into a sci-fi convention where William Shatner just happened to be in attendance and rather impolitely throw them in his face. They would both be most humiliated and my life would be infinitely more bearable.
Back to the topic, why is each one of these commercials backed with ****ty dance music? It's like somebody pooled all the ****tiest aspects of each ****ty culture and mashed them together to produce the wankiest ****fest imaginable.
Irritating voice over? Check
Stupid wanky backing music of the stomach sickening variety? Check.
Pleasant Pub atmosphere destroying mobile phone ring tone? Check
High-pitched talking frog on a motorbike? Kill me.
i not good at long rants so just copied n pasted someones
http://www.ubersite.com/