What work phrases drive you mad?

[powered_up_pac_man]

Every month we have to sit the blokes down and give them 'toolbox talks' trouble is you end up feeling like a complete 'tool' telling some big hairy bloke how to sit in a chair correctly!!

Loving the toolbox talks, pity your the only one who feels like a tool when you've got 20odd guys looking at ya thinking "Who the f**k is this guy to tell me how to work".

My teeth are so clenched theyre about to split - literally just had some guy come up to me and ask me to "scratch that and see if it bleeds"......I mean WTF!!!!!! :bang::bang:

 

[puntokris]

The great and mighty global corporation that is Atkins - how the hell a company that cites that big sail hotel in dubai as one of their accomplishments can get so many things wrong beggars belief!!

Tied up with the local council at the moment causing chaos on all the roads in Somerset

What about you?

I work for the brilliant Skanska uk. Currently on a huge PFI hospital project.
Chaos on the roads? We're the ones to blame for the roadworks at the bottom of the M1.

Yea considering we built alot of new yorks pier fronts, you wonder why our senior teams can't even cost plan properly.

 

[benjo]

Loving the toolbox talks, pity your the only one who feels like a tool when you've got 20odd guys looking at ya thinking "Who the f**k is this guy to tell me how to work".

Tell me about it, half the guys knew me when I started at the age of 18 and used to boss me about!! Doesn't go down to well when they are having to sit there and take b*llsh*t from me


WTF did he want you to scratch?

 

[powered_up_pac_man]

WTF did he want you to scratch?

A feckin tender document that we're havin some issues with - contractor not pricing right etc. See if it f***in bleeds!!???!! I wanna grab him by his tie and vigorously staple it to the pile of sh!t he's just crimped out on my desk!!

 

[puntokris]

A feckin tender document that we're havin some issues with - contractor not pricing right etc. See if it f***in bleeds!!???!! I wanna grab him by his tie and vigorously staple it to the pile of sh!t he's just crimped out on my desk!!

So you have staff like this also?

My manager has just gone mad that my contractor isn't getting paid on time. Yet he told them it was an 11 day payment period when its actually a 30 day one.

 

[powered_up_pac_man]

My manager has just gone mad that my contractor isn't getting paid on time. Yet he told them it was an 11 day payment period when its actually a 30 day one.

See my comment before about Seagull Managers

 

[Lolita]

My manager has just gone mad that my contractor isn't getting paid on time. Yet he told them it was an 11 day payment period when its actually a 30 day one.

I've just had a similar argument with a manager here over payment for an invoice that I DO NOT EVER in my life deal with and have NO authorisation to pay.

 

[benjo]

A feckin tender document that we're havin some issues with - contractor not pricing right etc. See if it f***in bleeds!!???!! I wanna grab him by his tie and vigorously staple it to the pile of sh!t he's just crimped out on my desk!!

Ah, sorry missed the point there -


guy sounds like an arsehole!!

Tendering time is a right ballache! All the managers run around flapping and making your job twice as hard as it should be!!

Here - this made me chuckle;

TIPS FOR MANAGERS AND BOSSES
* Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.
* If it’s really a “rush job,” run in and interrupt me every ten minutes to inquire how it’s going. That helps.
*Always leave without telling anyone where you’re going. It gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.
* If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books, or supplies, don’t open the door for me. I need to learn how to function as a paraplegic and opening doors is good training.
*If you give me more than one job to do, don’t tell me which is the priority. Let me guess.
*Do your best to keep me late. I like the office and really have nowhere to go or anything to do.
*If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret.
*If you don’t like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in conversation.
*If you have special instructions for a job, don’t write them down. In fact, save them until the job is almost done.
*Be nice to me only when the job I’m doing for you could really change your life.

 

[puntokris]

See my comment before about Seagull Managers

Duly noted!

I've just had a similar argument with a manager here over payment for an invoice that I DO NOT EVER in my life deal with and have NO authorisation to pay.

I deal with all my contractors and pay them all. Thats why its always my fault. "he'll be climbing the wall if he doesn't get his payment this week"

Then why did you sweeten him up by lying to him then????


I have a nice trip down to head office over the next few days, so it will get me out of here and keep me sane

 

[Lolita]

TIPS FOR MANAGERS AND BOSSES
* Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.
* If it’s really a “rush job,” run in and interrupt me every ten minutes to inquire how it’s going. That helps.
*Always leave without telling anyone where you’re going. It gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.
* If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books, or supplies, don’t open the door for me. I need to learn how to function as a paraplegic and opening doors is good training.
*If you give me more than one job to do, don’t tell me which is the priority. Let me guess.
*Do your best to keep me late. I like the office and really have nowhere to go or anything to do.
*If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret.
*If you don’t like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in conversation.
*If you have special instructions for a job, don’t write them down. In fact, save them until the job is almost done.
*Be nice to me only when the job I’m doing for you could really change your life.

*forwarded*

 

[Captain Mike]

Ah, sorry missed the point there -


guy sounds like an arsehole!!

Tendering time is a right ballache! All the managers run around flapping and making your job twice as hard as it should be!!

Here - this made me chuckle;

TIPS FOR MANAGERS AND BOSSES
* Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.
* If it’s really a “rush job,” run in and interrupt me every ten minutes to inquire how it’s going. That helps.
*Always leave without telling anyone where you’re going. It gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.
* If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books, or supplies, don’t open the door for me. I need to learn how to function as a paraplegic and opening doors is good training.
*If you give me more than one job to do, don’t tell me which is the priority. Let me guess.
*Do your best to keep me late. I like the office and really have nowhere to go or anything to do.
*If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret.
*If you don’t like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in conversation.
*If you have special instructions for a job, don’t write them down. In fact, save them until the job is almost done.
*Be nice to me only when the job I’m doing for you could really change your life.

think my boss has them rules on their fridge at home:worship:

 

[powered_up_pac_man]

Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.
* If it’s really a “rush job,” run in and interrupt me every ten minutes to inquire how it’s going. That helps.

This is so much like my job that I swear I've written it on drugs and forgotten.

 

[powered_up_pac_man]

I have a nice trip down to head office over the next few days, so it will get me out of here and keep me sane

Gimme a shout if you need some extra bullsh!t bingo cards, Head office games always need extra!

 

[puntokris]

Gimme a shout if you need some extra bullsh!t bingo cards, Head office games always need extra!

haha

I'll put up with the bullsh*t as I'll claim the mileage and a night in a hotel!

 

[JFL]

'tell you what it is'

'i dont understand it'

 

[bulldog5046]

my boss likes using "not withstanding..." which i get sick of hearing over my shoulder.

unfortunately i also have too much exposure with directors, MD and Chairman

i had quite a giggle when my manager tried explaining how bandwidth worked using a river, a bridge and a stick as an example