What work phrases drive you mad?

[powered_up_pac_man]

Everyone has to have experienced this at some point....your boss, manager or some random pr!ck in a pinstripe suit swaggers up to you and says the most ridiculous jumble of words, to which most of us will say...."Uh-huh?"

So, what phrases wind you up?

We play w@nk bingo at my work with 3 of the Partners, listen in on them on speakerphone/conference call and mark off phrases on your game card

Lately I've been puttin up with "360-degree thinking", "from good to great" and my personal favourite "This isn't a game! We're playing hardball here people!" :bang:

 

[Ffoxy]

Sounds like u work in the same arena as me....

"Moving forward....."
"Big picture...."
"Blue sky thinking....."
"Backward Engineering...."
"To quote the CEO...."

Many more just CBA to type them...

 

[benjo]

We had a 'motivational' talk the other day by our MD, it seemed the key word he used was 'bl**dy'

"We are a 'bl**dy' good company"

"These accidents are not 'bl**dy' acceptable!"

etc. :bang:

The trouble is nobody 'bl**dy' cared, what a bl**dy t*sser!!

Thankfully we don't get too much interaction with the upper echelons of management as they only stop in to use the toilet on their way off on another jolly (usually a day at the races or the spanish gp)

 

[jug]

if you fail to plan you plan to fail

i spend a lot of time with directors and senior managers so i hear crap every day, in fact i even use it myself sometimes

 

[Lolita]

I used to hate the phrase "front of house"

 

[Ffoxy]

if you fail to plan you plan to fail

i spend a lot of time with directors and senior managers so i hear crap every day, in fact i even use it myself sometimes

P P P P P P...Doesnt it.....

 

[SeicentoS]

Sounds like u work in the same arena as me....

"Moving forward....."
"Big picture...."
"Blue sky thinking....."
"Backward Engineering...."
"To quote the CEO...."

Many more just CBA to type them...

that kinda thing would irritate the hell out of me lol

 

[powered_up_pac_man]

"Blue sky thinking....."

That one f**ks me off something rotten!!

Heard a good one the other day though, somone described our senior partner as a seagull manager - as in he flies in from time to time, sh!ts all over us and then leaves. Quite appropriate.

I think right now id be guilty of being in "screensaver mode", just staring blankly at my screen not thinking lol

 

[Lolita]

Bullsh!t bingo cards

"synergy" and "risk-management".... dont get me started

 

[ThisBitterPill]

Ours is all technical programmer gibberish....

As an artist I claim I don't understand it....

 

[benjo]

"reasonably practicable" - just another phrase to describe arse covering or pointing the blame on some poor sod!

We seem to be dominated by KPI's and OPI's at the moment!! :bang:

 

[powered_up_pac_man]

Hmm, thinking about it. Im probably a bit guilty of using some of them....but just to keep up with the cool kids

I do like Deja-Moo - Ive heard this **** somewhere before"

 

[M111CYY]

we have more managers than staff i think, so i never get to speak to important people, but my area manager last time he came to the store kept saying sainsburys this and sainsburys that, but i was thinking were not frickin sainsburys!!

 

[benjo]

Owen’s Law:
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Wooly’s law:
When you are working late, the boss will never be around. When you are surfing the net the boss will always drop by.


:bang::bang::bang:

 

[Captain Mike]

my boss says likewise every other f*cking sentence:bang:

 

[Hellcat]

Operations 101...

 

[Captain Mike]

oo and....

"you're such an incompetant little lump of Sh!t, now get one your knees"

 

[jug]

now get one your knees

you know its illegal for an employer to force you to do that. if you enjoy it then fair enough, but i'd rather find a new job than gobble the boss.

 

[powered_up_pac_man]

If anyone needs to amuse themselves at work:

-Wait till you boss brings in an umbrella, visit the office printroom, ask someone there for a bag of paper chippings from the binding machine, then tip the paper chippings into the closed umbrella and pray for rain!

-Give each other buzz words prior to team meetings - the winner is the one who says their word the most. Extra points if the boss says it too.

-Call the coworker sitting in the cube to your left and ask a simple question at a level everyone around you can hear. Thank them for the answer and hang up. Then call the coworker in the cube to your right and repeat the exact same question at the same level.

-Bring a hand puppet, preferably an animal. Ask it to clarify difficult points.

-Spill coffee on the conference table. Produce a little paper boat and sail it down the table.

-When you colleague has left the room, button up over the chair any clothing they have hung on the back

-During the course of a meeting, slowly edge your chair towards the door.

-Present meeting attendees with a cup of coffee and biscuit, smash each biscuit with your fist.

-Carry your keyboard over to every colleague and ask "You wanna trade?"

- At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem (extra points if you actually launch into it yourself).

-Groan out loud in the toilet cubicle (at least one other 'non-player' must be in the toilet at the time).

 

[rpaterson]

Best I've ever heard was 'let's cascade this thought process and cross-fertilise it while it's at the embryonic stage'

Translation - someone had a good idea and the manager thought that we should tell all the other departments about it while the idea was still new. This is no word of a lie, it actually happened and it wasn't a cheese-induced dream.