Some girlfriend help!

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Some girlfriend help!

What Is this rubish about depression. Yes she may be a bit down but it certainly doesn't sound bad enough to be a complete insensitive arse. You don't tend to loose the very core of your personality until it gets very severe. I mean institutionalised bad.

Thing is you never know what's going on in someone elses head. This girl I was talking about, god...... there's a lot happening there. It's easy to sit on the outside and judge but far more helpful to try and help someone who's having a hard time of things.
 
I always thought a big part of being "happily married" was to not to have feelings for someone else, or to be considering having a relationship with them, no matter how chatty they are on facebook

Hence why I said fairly......

I'm not going to go into detail and explain why I'm not 110% happy with things, but there were reasons I wasn't happy with things and why what happened happened. We're now in a better place and are working through those things so whilst it's not been a nice couple of months we'll come out of it stronger.
 
There's an old saying, "actions speak loader than words".

Her actions are speaking volumes but he's not listening ... :bang:

and that may well be the case, but after the last couple of months I will say that actions don't always speak louder than words..... with women, sometimes actions bear no resemblence to what they actually want to say or what they want to happen.
 
Thing is you never know what's going on in someone elses head. This girl I was talking about, god...... there's a lot happening there. It's easy to sit on the outside and judge but far more helpful to try and help someone who's having a hard time of things.

I understand what you are saying but I think what Stu means is that depression doesnt change who you are as a person its likely to highlight issues that are already there and leave you less able to deal with things, but you dont turn into a liar, cheat or control freak just because you are depressed. I have also met guys who used the 'I have had a hard life / have been depressed' excuse when they behave badly and once you start making allowances for someone who treats you badly its a downward spiral. You can become the enabler if you are not careful and the price for that is your own happiness.

How we treat others is a CHOICE, depression or not.
 
I understand what you are saying but I think what Stu means is that depression doesnt change who you are as a person its likely to highlight issues that are already there and leave you less able to deal with things, but you dont turn into a liar, cheat or control freak just because you are depressed. I have also met guys who used the 'I have had a hard life / have been depressed' excuse when they behave badly and once you start making allowances for someone who treats you badly its a downward spiral. You can become the enabler if you are not careful and the price for that is your own happiness.

How we treat others is a CHOICE, depression or not.

I agree with the whole enabler thing, but with some people things happen that make them do strange stuff. But sometimes things happen that really knock you for six. That said, when we had a chat 3 and a half weeks ago and she talked about her problems I did say that the only person who could sort things out was her and that she just needed to wake up one day and choose to be the person she wanted to be.
 
We have split anyway ... she told me yesterday that it's permanent.

The thing is folks, I didn't see this coming, she was always telling me how much she missed me and loved me etc and I genuinly thought she was happy :O ... so it's not a case of me not listening!

I think it possibly has something to do with her going out with an old friend again (female) and also possibly the fact that she benefited from last years accident so she has money to spend (check cleared on the thursday she started acting weird on the saturday) and i'm thinking there is possibly a big girls holiday on the cards and her being in a relationship means she won't be able to have as much fun as all her single friends :O

but it's over now and I'm in the process of moving on, it's tough but gotta be done :)
 
We have split anyway ... she told me yesterday that it's permanent.

The thing is folks, I didn't see this coming, she was always telling me how much she missed me and loved me etc and I genuinly thought she was happy :O ... so it's not a case of me not listening!

I think it possibly has something to do with her going out with an old friend again (female) and also possibly the fact that she benefited from last years accident so she has money to spend (check cleared on the thursday she started acting weird on the saturday) and i'm thinking there is possibly a big girls holiday on the cards and her being in a relationship means she won't be able to have as much fun as all her single friends :O

but it's over now and I'm in the process of moving on, it's tough but gotta be done :)
Sorry to hear that. It's always easy to say it's over, but it's very hard to actually put those feelings in a box and never have them come out again.

Pretty ****ty way of her doing things by the sound of it. Young people do silly things, you sound like you're the one with the old head on your shoulders so I'm sure you'll deal with it in time :)
 
Yeah, despite me only being a year and a half older I think there was a huge maturity difference.

I'm feeling a lot better but as you said, it's hard to forget completely. I'm going through phases where I'm thinking good! and don't really bother, then maybe a couple of hours later I want her back.

Part of me thinks it's the female company I miss more than her but I can't stop getting thoughts about who she might be seeing now, if anyone.
 
Yeah, despite me only being a year and a half older I think there was a huge maturity difference.

I'm feeling a lot better but as you said, it's hard to forget completely. I'm going through phases where I'm thinking good! and don't really bother, then maybe a couple of hours later I want her back.

Part of me thinks it's the female company I miss more than her but I can't stop getting thoughts about who she might be seeing now, if anyone.

Completely get where you're coming from. This other girl I was talking about is only something like 6 months younger than me but in some ways she might as well be 10 years younger.

You will want her back, if you've decided 110% that you don't then you just need to go cold turkey. I did it once, it's not easy but it can be done.
 
I'm trying to go cold turkey :)

But I'm worried I may see her on the way to work one day as I have to drive past the wee area she stays in and I may see her as she goes to her friends and that would make me feel **** :) lol ... especially if she was with another guy! :O
 
Big night out in Edinburgh on 2nd June so can't wait for that, friends and colleagues are all making me feel much better :)

Thats the way to do it, plenty of other things to occupy your mind while time does the healing. Just avoid jumping into another relationship to quickly, that usually creates more problems than it solves ..

especially if she was with another guy! :O

Oh she will be so make sure your ready for it ..
 
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It's just a poor show that she done it a month before my college exam so motivation has hit rock bottom, getting back on track now though.

Also got an assessment day today for the special constables so will be able to concentrate on the recruitment process for that :)

And will be able to save enough money to buy a new motorbike :D ... then P*** off on a nice long tour :)
 
Can't even if I wanted too :) ... deleted her phone number on thursday :)
If you've decided then stick to it for a good year or two. I had an internet relationship that failed and it was the only way to do it and it worked. I think i might have talked to her a couple of time in the 12 months after we finished and it was better than talking all the time :)
 
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