To be honest (and also being stubborn and a
lot deaf...), I think you just need to do what feels right for
you. I'm not so sure -- even if you kept yourself fully occupied -- you'd stop unwanted thoughts entering your head; but having something to focus on (especially a Panda) may help for a while.
There is, as you say, no "normal" -- and you've never been in this position before: so it's as abnormal as hell. It'll also take time to adjust -- how long is anyone's guess: so don't feel you have to meet anyone's expectations but your own (and, even then, don't feel that you've let yourself down if you don't reach them...). :hug:
All I really know is that you have to put yourself and your family first; and worrying about other stuff is way down the list.... Look after yourself....