Oh - that IS interesting!
The cruise control stalk is shown as having a switch with three resistances - configured so the node will see one of three voltages - shown as 'not connected' for the regular cruise control, and connected to that radar module for the ACC. That will be the three-position distance-setting ring, then. The standard control, and the one from the 156 or 147, or even 166, does not have this second ring, but you could make something up at least for test purposes, though it would help to know the resistances (maybe three 1k resistors! - you do need the radar module to connect it to, of course.
The connection to OBD pin 12 makes sense, as that's a K-line used for serial diagnostic connection to 'special purpose' ECUs, such as the hood ECU in my Spider. Therefore, diagnosis would require a KKL-type plug (usually the translucent blue type) wired from pin 7 to pin 12.
It seems to me that the best hope would be to get a radar node from a BMW and work from there. If all the pins were the same function, and it used a CAN connection, there'd be a good chance it would fit in with the Stilo. I have seen that connector in the front-right wheel arch and wondered what it was too, I should now test the wiring and figure out where it goes.
Hopefully the instrument panel node is programmed for it and will come to life once the node puts its signals on the CAN bus...
Off we go now to search the interweb for BMW ACC wiring. Posts like
http://www.e90post.com/forums/showpost.php?p=11528862&postcount=23 are a good start. I always thought it was known as Radar Cruise Control, but Adaptive Cruise Control makes sense too. Odd that this would be fitted to a 'sporty' model. The Italians weren't known for fitting cup holders and cruise control in their cars, especially not the ones with pretenses of high performance
-Alex