Some girlfriend help!

[Kerr1992]

Hi guys,

I know this is a car forum but its the only forum I'm on so use are my only help!

Just been told by my girlfriend that she feels lonely but wants to be alone. She said she doesn't know how she feels and it's hard to explain.

She said she does want to be with me BUT she said she can't help it if this "feeling" makes her not want to be.

we went through a period of this last year where she didn't know what she wanted but eventually decided to stay with me.

This time she said it's a different feeling but i'm worried i'm going to be on my own soon but I'm hoping it's just a phase.

any why do woman think that by saying "if we do finish, you know it has nothing to do with you" it makes us feel so much better? personally I'm not interested in whether it is to do with me or not! I just want to be with her!

Anyone got any idea why she is feeling like this? hormones? just a woman thing?

Any help would be appreciated

Thanks
Craig

 

[GrandeGuy]

She's searching for a reaction,
She sounds attention seeking, make up her mind and call her bluff.
Tell her you think she needs time to find out what she want's, and to call you when and if she's ready.
One of two things will happen,

1, She'll S"£t her self and come running back, (once she realizes you'll just walk)
2, She'll agree with you, split up and couple weeks/months down the line YOU WILL meet someone who will blow her out of the water.


Either way i used to get messed about by women something rotten, get hurt constantly, until one day i woke up and thought screw this, then if women messed me about i'd just tell them straight or just leave.

You walk, fine you get over it and move on,
she wants to leave, ok you get over it and move on,
But it's all the crap in between that will eat you away inside, the not knowing, does she want me? is it something i did? why wont she speak to me? Will we get back together?
F all that tripe cut to the chase, nip it in the bud, it'll go one of two ways, but in them one of two ways it's resolved, or just carry on make yourself badly and drag it out for months and months. . . .

 

[The Beard]

Unfortunately, there are 60 million people in this country and 60 million different feelings about other people and 60 different reasons why some couples stay together and the same number why they don't.

Age makes a difference. For teenagers it's either the worst thing in the world, it ranks up there with the likes of tsunamis, 9/11 and the Holocaust; or what the hell, you were planning shagging this bird at work anyway.

It depends on how long the relationship has been going, has it been a couple of years or decades? Why is she saying these things I don't know, but you may have to sit down and have a crunch conversation. Be prepared for the worst. When I was much younger I always tried to put off those kinds of things but that was usually a form of denial and didn't alter the end result.

Perhaps it's because she's undecided, or feeling trapped in the relationship. Do you have somewhere to live together or is that on the cards? If that's the next stage then maybe it's a step too far.....at the moment, or potentially, well ever actually.

This doesn't seem to be answering your question, as I suggested at the beginning but you're going to have to face the problem sooner or later. You could make the decision for her by being an arse, getting drunk and then giving her a hard time which will almost certainly push her away, but then you could just ask her to tell you what she wants.

If she says she doesn't know, then you're going to have to ask her specific questions. And to be honest, there are way too many for me to list.

Good luck and I hope it all turns out the way you want.

 

[Kerr1992]

I'm coming up 20 and she will be 19 in november.

We have been together for two years, we stay together a lot but don't live together.

We do have a holiday booked for 5 weeks time :O

I thought everything was going smoothly and she was happy the WHAM! It wouldn't have been as bad if I had seen it coming, but she keeps telling me I mean the world to her etc but then she asks if there is any point if she is unhappy?

it's only came on over the last 2-3 days she said :/

She was out the other night and I'm wondering if she has met someone else?

It's kinda hard for me because I'm not exactly great with woman or the best looking so it's hard for me to find someone else but I don't want anyone else anyway :O

Thanks for the replies guys
Craig

 

[Rawb]

Good advice in this thread already, The Beard proving to be fantastic as always.

If I were you i'd just give her a bit of space, let her decide in her own time and just hang back for a bit, if she wants to meet up.. don't hesitate.

The last thing you want to be doing is making a meal of it all and over complicating the situation, 2 years is quite some time at our age and I've been in a couple of really long relationships myself.

On the off chance that she has found someone else, move on and keep yourself busy.

We can sit here all day offering our own opinions and advice but at the end of the day females will always be an enigma.

 

[Kerr1992]

Well use have made me feel slightly better which is better than a kick in the testies

Thanks guys

 

[Kerr1992]

Well she is not going to get one,

Told her to text me when she has made up her mind.

The whole feeling lonely thing though, that's a sign of depression is it not?

 

[neeny09]

Well she is not going to get one,

Told her to text me when she has made up her mind.

The whole feeling lonely thing though, that's a sign of depression is it not?

I was just about to post about that! It could be the face that she finds it hard to explain rang a few bells for me. When you feel like all you want to do is sit on your own but at the same time you feel like you want someone to be there is a hard thing to be feeling all the time.

Tell her a a precaution go to the doc and he'll do a depression test but she has to be honest, depression doesn't always mean going on drugs, just talking to a professional who knows what she's going on about could help

It won't hurt to get it checked out and if she's not then you can rule it out.

 

[Kerr1992]

Is depression common in someone of 19 though? :O

She is unemployed and can't seem to find any work at all and her cousin lost her baby the other day so could possibly be a build up of these things.

 

[jenks69]

Depression is a cruel beast and can strike anyone at any time, SWMBO has had it since early teens, and the daughter of a family friend has it at 13, but probably had it longer.

I think it's definately worth your girlfriend seeing the GP as the thoughts she's having are similar to SWMBO at times.

If it is depression then make sure you've got a good support network of friends and family for yourself as well as the GF. Without that I'd have binned SWMBO a long time ago, right now we are staying with her parents so they can help look after her and our baby whilst I am in work.

Good luck, feel free to PM me anytime if you want to chat about it from a partners perception.

 

[neeny09]

Is depression common in someone of 19 though? :O

She is unemployed and can't seem to find any work at all and her cousin lost her baby the other day so could possibly be a build up of these things.

You can get depression at any age. Kids have even been proven to have it in extreme circumstances. It's a quick doctors appointment they do a questionarre. It'll put your minds at rest if anything

 

[PuntoHowTo]

though you might be right in thinking depression is part of the cause, be aware when she is saying things like "i want to be alone" but that she wants to be with you etc it could back fire on you big style to suggest she needs to go see a doctor. to her you could be seriously trivialising what to her is a complicated problem.

i think there has been some pretty fantastic advice so far with regards to giving her some space and letting her make her own decisions, this is really what you need to do first. then if she decides you are what she wants then is a more appropriate time to ask her if she thinks she is depressed.

 

[Kerr1992]

Well I suggested it to her and her exact words were "why would I be depressed"

But I guess everyone would say that? :O

Hopefully she will think it over because I have mentioned it.

And thanks everyone for the help

 

[ascott92]

Is there anything big coming up in her life, exams, loss of someone close etc? If so this may be the cause, and just being there for her, but from a little distance will just work, so she knows you will be there, but also respect her decisions.

If not then she is like the freak that was my first girlfriend, did everything i could then, "i wanna end it." We pissed about for a while after that, on and off for a few months, but sometimes if they are like that then you gotta call it quits for your sake.

Good luck and hope everything pans out well .

 

[Kerr1992]

Not really :O we have our first holiday planned for 5 weeks time but apart from that nothing really, her cousin had a still born a couple of days ago.

She said to me she has felt like this before but this is the worst :O

 

[neeny09]

Depression doesn't always have to have a catalyst. She might just be depressed.

The first time i realise i was depressed was when i ended the relationship with my daughters dad and i realised i was on my own with a 5 month old baby i was only 20 and had no idea what i was doing. But now it can come on for no reason, it was worse when i was on the pill because of the inbalance of hormones.

But now because my mum made me go speak to a psychiatrist only went 4 times but now i recognise the signs and was taught how to stop it by a professional it never gets as bad anymore. It is a very bad illness that a lot of people think they can cope with but it's hard. You end up in a spiral of bad feelings.

Please try and say to her that fine ok she's probably not depressed but it's a simple test and at least then you can rule it out. To put your mind at rest. Plus it could be a physical thing so if she goes to the doc if it's not depression he might have another idea. Diabetes can affect moods as well.

 

[Kerr1992]

she has that rod thing in her arm so I guess that could be affecting her too :O

I have let her know i'm here if she needs me but I'm going to give her some space to see if she feels any different and then will see if I can encourage her to go to doctors

 

[jimboy]

Been said already, but the story that's been unfolded slowly, there are obvious things like being unemployed, will have an effect on anyone, especially nowadays. You are both very young & certain things will feel like the end of the world, again this has been said earlier.

Personally modern day living throws up all sorts of issues that really do not mean much but you must be part of, if you know what I mean. We live in selfish age & consumerism is very much alive. Now, my point is perhaps your girl friend may feel depressed because she feels not being part of what's happening due to lack of funds etc, & she now feels the need to withdraw into herself. I may be off the mark slightly, but my wife is a lecturer in these kind of matters. Again as said before there are numerous things that could be at fault.

The best way to try & get to the bottom of your girl friends problem, is to sit down with some one you both know & trust & communicate with really well, be it family,friend or acquaintance you both look up to.

Hope you can work things out......It's always good to talk.

 

[oldskoolmk1unoturbo]

get ready for **** to hit the fan.

 

[Kerr1992]

get ready for **** to hit the fan.

Would you like to elaborate?