Crap jokes

[dave]

Once upon a time, there were four people; Their names were
Everybody, Somebody, Nobody and Anybody.

Whenever there was an important job to be done, Everybody was
sure that Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but
Nobody did it.

When Nobody did it, Everybody got angry because it was
Everybody's job.

Everybody thought that Somebody would do it, but Nobody realized
that Nobody would do it.

So consequently Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what
Anybody could have done in the first place.



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[dave]

A man walked into a therapists office looking very depressed.
"Doc, you've got to help me. I can't go on like this."

"What's the problem?" the doctor inquired.

"Well, I'm 35 years old and I still have no luck with the ladies.
No matter how hard I try, I just seem to scare them away."

"My friend, this is not a serious problem. You just need to work
on your self-esteem. Each morning, I want you to get up and run
to the bathroom mirror. Tell yourself that you are a good person,
a fun person and an attractive person. But say it with real
conviction. Within a week you'll have women buzzing all around
you."

The man seemed content with this advice and walked out of the
office excited. Three weeks later he returned with the same
downtrodden expression on his face. "Did my advice not work?"
asked the doctor.

"It worked alright. For the past several weeks I've enjoyed some
of the best moments in my life with the most fabulous looking
women."

"So, what's your problem?"

"I don't have a problem," the man replied. "My wife does."


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[dave]

If a vegetarian
eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?


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[dave]

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[dave]

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[dave]

more jokes here http://www.looniebin-of-jokes.com/newjoke.htm

lots of jokes on that site if anyones bored (twincamms)

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[dawn_of_time]

An elephant meets a camel and asks "Why have you got breasts on your back?"
The camel replies "What sort of question is that from some-one who's d*cks on his face."

[}]

Sexy Black 3 door Punto With Wicked Yellow Interior.

 

[steveyensen]

A British man with elbow patches on his jacket has been arrested at
an American airport with a pocket calculator and a school textbook in
his posession. The man freely admitted training Al Gebra students and
was promptly charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math
instruction.

President Bush mumbled: "These Al Gebra people have infiltrated
schools and colleges. They teach that there are three sides to every
triangle, not realising the only true constant is the 'Murrcan way.
They seek solutions by means and extremes. They refer to "unknowns",
go off on tangents and use secret codes like "x" and "y" to form an
axis of "e" values. They have coordinates everywhere, use Arabic
numerals and foreign phrases like quad erat demonstrandum. Some even
have beards - what more proof could you need?"

British Prime Minister, Tony Blair added: "Hey, look. George is a
brilliant guy. His sums always add up (especially in Florida). This
isn't some crazy theorem dreamed up round his log table: we've
produced a dossier proving that weapons of math instruction have the
potential to decimal everything on a huge scalene. The sines are that
Al Gebra will continue to multiply if we don't root it out. We must
become exponents of a higher power: ie George Bush."



Steve the geriatric Panda and Beagle freak

R.I.P. G781 TUT: White Panda 1000CL - 18-11-1989 to 08-03-2004
J??? ???: Red Panda 1000CL - collecting next week!
Y771 GNU - Silver Nissan Almera Tino (Penny's motor)

 

[Clayton]

Micheal Jackson's house got raided for drugs the other week. They found class b in the kitchen, class a in the dining room but upstairs thay found class 4c in the bedroom!



and he said to his himself, "wow! what was that thing, it went like a blurr. I wish I had a Punto".

---Clayton---

 

[JonnyBoy]

One for the Chubby Brown fans:

Why does Rupert Bear wear checked trousers?


...because he's a c*nt.

------/F/I/A/T/------

Fart In A Tin
<font color="orange">1994 Punto 55SX, metallic red, small, Italian and beautiful! </font id="orange">

 

[MikeWhitcombe]

[:0] That's shocking...

Plus I don't get it.

 

[rich.]

son goes home to his dad and says"dad i have just had my 1st sexual experiance"dad says "great son grab a beer out of the fridge and sit down and tell me all about it"son says ill get the beer but i cant sit down cus my f**king arse is killing me!"

if it aint broke dont fix it.purple pain.up the villa.brava 1.6sx.
no fag.lighter required.

 

[Steven]

A man walks into a bar. The end.

and there's more.

Here's the biggest joke ever; Volkswagen build exciting cars.

<h5>Click here for pictures of my Uno
Click here for pictures of my Brava

 

[twincamms]

Steve you're spamming again, I can tell by the way you posted 200 times in the last 12 hours! [:0]

FIAT Stilo Sport. Pretty Much Bog Standard Really. Rear Roof Spoiler,
Sill Protectors, Aluminium Foot Pedals, Eibach 30mm Drop Springs.

 

[Steven]

I posted crap jokes. It was on topic. Can a moderator confirm this please? Your post was spam as it was off topic. This isn't spam. It's a defense of my previous post that you suggested (incorrectly) was spam.

Now, back to the crap jokes...

<h5>Click here for pictures of my Uno
Click here for pictures of my Brava

 

[RichieC]

hmmmm...the topic is crap jokes...yours were appalingly s**te!

anyway...one from me now:

How mant insects does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They're too small for f**ks sake! I mean..we're talking insects here! To start, they don't even have a concept of what a lightbulb is, do they? No! So what the f**k makes you think they'd even notice it needed changing...even a moth wouldn't...it'd just wonder where the moon had gone till he found a new one to fly into...f**kwit..and even if you informed said insect of the gravity of said no-light situation, it can't unserstand you anyway....so JUST CHANGE THE F**KING THING YOURSELF YOU LAZY SH*T AND LEAVE THE INSECTS ALONE!!!!!!

Disclaimer: Any incorrect lexicography or grammar is entirely the fault of your eyes​

 

[twincamms]

A skinhead gets on a bus and sees a lovely looking nun on there.
As he gets off, he says to the bus driver, "f**kin ell, that nun's a bit of alright"
The bus driver says "she gets off at St Marks Church on this route every night"
So the skinhead says, "good, I'll go there tommorow" the driver says "ok".
The following night the skinhead is waiting at St Marks Church, the bus comes along and off gets the nun. The skinhead has a sheet with two peepy holes cut in it over him and says to the nun, " I am the spirit of the holy ghost, you must do whatever I say".
Shocked, the nun responds, "oh yes, oh great one, oh eminence!"
The skinhead says, "right bend over that gravestone and let me f**k you from behind"
"Yes my lord" says the nun.
The skinhead does his business, shoots his load and then removes his sheet and says, "ha ha, I'm the skinhead off the bus you bitch!"
The nun then turns around, removes her headgear and says, "ha ha and I'm the bus driver!"



FIAT Stilo Sport. Pretty Much Bog Standard Really. Rear Roof Spoiler,
Sill Protectors, Aluminium Foot Pedals, Eibach 30mm Drop Springs.