OT - some more joke

[Stu R]

Daddy Calling Home
((RING))))
((RING))))

**Pick Up**

"Hello?"

"Hi honey, this is Daddy, Is Mommy near the phone?"

"No Daddy, She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul"

After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul"


"Oh yes I do and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now"

Brief Pause**

"Uh, okay then, .this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door,and shout to Mommy that Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway"

"Okay Daddy, just a minute"

A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone. "I did it Daddy"

"And what happened honey?" he asked

"Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug,hit her head on the dresser and now she isn't moving at all!"

"Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?"

"He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on too. He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead"

**Long Pause***

***Longer Pause**

Then Daddy says, "Swimming pool??"...

Is this 486-5731??

 

[Stu R]

A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby
delivered.

Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the other's labour pain to the FATHER.

He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were
both very much in favour if it.

The doctor set the pain transfer to 10% for starters,
explaining that even 10% was probably more pain that the father had ever experienced before. But as the labour progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and bump it up a notch.

The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain
transfer.The husband will still feeling fine.The doctor checked the husbands' blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing.

At this point they decided to try for 50%.The husband
continued to feel quite well. Since the pain transfer was obviously helping out the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him.

The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no
pain. She and her husband were ecstatic.

When they got home, the milkman was dead on the porch.

 

[Stu R]

A bloke is driving happily along in his car with his
girlfriend when he's pulled over by the Police.

The police officer approaches him and asks: "Have you
been drinking Sir?"

"Why?" asks the man, "Was I driving badly?"

"No" replies the Officer, "You were driving splendidly.
It was the ugly bird in the passenger seat that made me suspicious"

 

[Stu R]

A man enters a confessional and says to the Irish
Priest: "Father, it has been one month since my last confession. I've had s* x with Fannie Green every week for the last month."

The priest tells the sinner: "You are forgiven. Go out
and say three Hail Mary's'."

Soon, another man enters the confessional. "Father, it
has been two months since my last confession. I have had s*x with Fannie Green twice a week for the last two months."

This time the priest asks: "Who is this Fannie Green?"
"A new woman in the neighbourhood," the sinner replies.

"Very well," says the priest. "Go and say ten 'Hail
Mary's'."

The next morning in church, the priest is preparing to
deliver his sermon when a gorgeous, tall woman enters the church. All the men's eyes fall upon her as she slowly sashays up the aisle and sits down in front of the Altar. Her dress is green and very short, with
matching shiny emerald green shoes.

The priest and altar boy gasp as the woman sits down
with her legs slightly spread apart, Sharon Stone-style.

The priest turns to the altar boy and whisperingly asks:
"Is that Fannie Green?"

The altar boy replies: "No Father, I think its just the
reflection off her shoes".