S
Sabre 23
Guest
Two old people, a man and a woman, walk into a hospital.
The doctor says to the old man, "I'll need a urine sample, a faeces sample, and a blood sample."
The old man says, "What?"
So the doctor says it again.
Once again the old man says, "what?"
So the doctor yells it, "I NEED A URINE SAMPLE, A FAECES SAMPLE, AND A BLOOD SAMPLE!"
With that the old woman turns to the old man and says, "He needs a pair of your underpants!"
********
Three ladies were on a flight when suddenly the captain announced, "Please prepare for a crash landing!"
The first lady put on all her jewelry. Surprised by this the other ladies questioned her actions. The first lady said, "Well when they come to rescue us they will see that I am rich and will rescue me first."
The second lady not wanting to be left behind, began to take off her top and bra.
"Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned
"Well when they come to rescue us, they will see my great tits and will take me first."
The third lady who was African, not wanting to be out done took off her pants and panties.
"Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned.
"Well they always search for the black box first?"
********
A man was having problems with premature ejaculation so he decided to go to the doctor. He asked the doctor what he could do to cure his problem.
In response, the doctor said, "When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate, try startling yourself."
That same day the man went to the store and bought himself a starter pistol. All excited to try this suggestion, he ran home to his wife. At home, he found his wife was in bed, naked and waiting. As the two began, they found themselves in the 69 position. The man, moments later, felt the sudden urge to ejaculate and fired the starter pistol. The next day, the man went back to the doctor.
The doctor asked, "How did it go?"
The man answered, "Not that well... when I fired the pistol, my wife sh*t on my face, bit 3 inches off my ***** and my neighbour came out of the closet with his hands in the air!"
********
A young lady in the maternity ward just prior to going into the delivery room is asked by the doctor if she would like her husband to be present at the birth. "I'm afraid I don't have a husband," she replies. "OK, do you have a boyfriend?" asks the doctor. "No - no boyfriend either. I'm unattached and I'll be having my baby on my own."
After the birth the doctor says to the young woman. "You have a healthy bouncing baby girl, but I must warn you before you see her that the baby is black" "Well," replies the girl, "I was very down on my luck a year or so back, with no money and nowhere to live, so I accepted a job in a porno movie and the leading man was black."
"Oh, I'm very sorry," says the doctor, "that's really none of my business but I must also tell you that the baby has blonde hair." "Well, yes," the girl again replies, "You see I desperately needed the money and there was this Swedish guy also involved in the movie - what else could I do?"
"Oh, I'm sorry," the doctor repeats, "and I hate to pry further but your baby also has slanted eyes." "Well yes," continues the girl, "I was incredibly hard up and there was also a little Chinese man in the movie - I really had no choice."
At this the doctor proceeds to give baby a slap on the butt. The baby starts crying and the mother exclaims, "Well, thank God for that!" "What do you mean?" says the doctor, shocked. "Well," says the girl extremely relieved, "I had this horrible feeling that it was going to bark!"
Mark.
Council estate lad.
And proud of it!
A battle of wits with the unarmed is no fun!
Member of the Guild of Experienced Motorists.
***Condensed to a single thread***
***And very nice it is, too!***
The doctor says to the old man, "I'll need a urine sample, a faeces sample, and a blood sample."
The old man says, "What?"
So the doctor says it again.
Once again the old man says, "what?"
So the doctor yells it, "I NEED A URINE SAMPLE, A FAECES SAMPLE, AND A BLOOD SAMPLE!"
With that the old woman turns to the old man and says, "He needs a pair of your underpants!"
********
Three ladies were on a flight when suddenly the captain announced, "Please prepare for a crash landing!"
The first lady put on all her jewelry. Surprised by this the other ladies questioned her actions. The first lady said, "Well when they come to rescue us they will see that I am rich and will rescue me first."
The second lady not wanting to be left behind, began to take off her top and bra.
"Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned
"Well when they come to rescue us, they will see my great tits and will take me first."
The third lady who was African, not wanting to be out done took off her pants and panties.
"Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned.
"Well they always search for the black box first?"
********
A man was having problems with premature ejaculation so he decided to go to the doctor. He asked the doctor what he could do to cure his problem.
In response, the doctor said, "When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate, try startling yourself."
That same day the man went to the store and bought himself a starter pistol. All excited to try this suggestion, he ran home to his wife. At home, he found his wife was in bed, naked and waiting. As the two began, they found themselves in the 69 position. The man, moments later, felt the sudden urge to ejaculate and fired the starter pistol. The next day, the man went back to the doctor.
The doctor asked, "How did it go?"
The man answered, "Not that well... when I fired the pistol, my wife sh*t on my face, bit 3 inches off my ***** and my neighbour came out of the closet with his hands in the air!"
********
A young lady in the maternity ward just prior to going into the delivery room is asked by the doctor if she would like her husband to be present at the birth. "I'm afraid I don't have a husband," she replies. "OK, do you have a boyfriend?" asks the doctor. "No - no boyfriend either. I'm unattached and I'll be having my baby on my own."
After the birth the doctor says to the young woman. "You have a healthy bouncing baby girl, but I must warn you before you see her that the baby is black" "Well," replies the girl, "I was very down on my luck a year or so back, with no money and nowhere to live, so I accepted a job in a porno movie and the leading man was black."
"Oh, I'm very sorry," says the doctor, "that's really none of my business but I must also tell you that the baby has blonde hair." "Well, yes," the girl again replies, "You see I desperately needed the money and there was this Swedish guy also involved in the movie - what else could I do?"
"Oh, I'm sorry," the doctor repeats, "and I hate to pry further but your baby also has slanted eyes." "Well yes," continues the girl, "I was incredibly hard up and there was also a little Chinese man in the movie - I really had no choice."
At this the doctor proceeds to give baby a slap on the butt. The baby starts crying and the mother exclaims, "Well, thank God for that!" "What do you mean?" says the doctor, shocked. "Well," says the girl extremely relieved, "I had this horrible feeling that it was going to bark!"
Mark.
Council estate lad.
And proud of it!
A battle of wits with the unarmed is no fun!
Member of the Guild of Experienced Motorists.
***Condensed to a single thread***
***And very nice it is, too!***