Worst temptation for me was (and still is) the Alfa Romeo 166.
I bought my first 164 in 2004 and loved it. It was 1992, metallic black, and ex-Singapore (I was the first NZ owner). Technically it shouldn't have been allowed in the country at all, due to non-conformance with frontal impact legislation. Basically, at that time, anything pre-96 and without airbags couldn't be road registered. Identical cars that were already here were allowed. So, the dodgy dealer ID'd my car as first imported in 1992.
I sold the 164 and my '88 X1/9 for $4000 apiece and the two of them got me about a quarter of the way to the price of my three-year-old Stilo Abarth.
I always missed the large-footprint luxury and poise of the 164, and though the Stilo's engine was good, the handling wasn't a patch on the 164; the 164 having a multilink rear end, compared to the Stilo's cheap twist-beam.
I sold the Stilo within two years and bought the Punto. Of course, the ride quality was even worse and I missed the 164 even more...
Finally I bought an NZ-new 1991 164 for - wait for it - $1000. It is a bit tatty but it goes wonderfully, 100% reliable, no work required for over two years now.
And now I can get to the point. Rather than rebuild the 164 - total strip, respray, refurbish the engine, etc. - I thought it would be more cost-effective to buy a newer 166 instead. The 166 replaced the 164 in about 1999 (after a hiatus of several years without a big Alfa available).
A suitable 2003 166 appeared for $8000 - an amazingly-low price - and although it was at the other end of the country, I snapped it up without seeing the car first.
The car was a lemon in every way. The first warning sign: central locking would lock, but not unlock - unless you first opened a front door with a key, and then the 'lock' command would lock and then unlock all doors. So, a stupid fault never before known and not the same as the usual faulty motors/wiring. (It turned out to be corroded tracks in the ECU, which I repaired).
The paint on every panel had been repainted - badly. It wasn't just the dirt/orange peel/runs in the clear - the silver basecoat appeared to have been applied with an aerosol can. There were 'circles' in the centres of panels and the edges of doors had been sprayed up-and-down.
Numerous rubber and plastic parts were brittle and broken (common for ex-Singapore cars) and the entire lower half of the interior had a sticky, dirty, scratched coating that was originally a 'rubber feel' effect. The most major flaw was a busted engine mount that caused the engine to knock violently for help.
Fuel consumption on a long trip was a high 10L/100km and around town, an incredible 25L/100km. Those figures are about 25 and 11mpg. The most surprising problem was a lack of urgency from the 3L V6 engine, due to tuning for high performance at the expense of the bottom-end torque (for which the 164's 3L V6 is so good - I can average 40mpg on a long trip).
But wait, there's more.
The handling was twitchy and there were odd vibrations, so I pulled into a tyre shop on the trip home. Turned out that front tyres were down to the steel on inner edges; rear tyres not far behind. Four new tyres for $1000 and I had an alignment done - still twitchy, difficult to keep in a straight line. Turns out that Alfa specify 2.8mm toe-out for these cars. And the 225/35 17 tyres tramline horribly.
Did someone say tyre noise? I checked with a sound level meter, and at 74dBA the 166 was louder at 60km/h than the 164's 68dBA... a big difference!
But what about that shaky feeling? Why do the door seals creak when on the move, and why is there scuttle shake like in a convertible?
When the local testing station jacked up the back end for some wheel bearing checks, they called me over because they thought the faulty central locking had locked the doors. Actually the doors weren't locked - instead, there was so much flex in the body that both front doors were jammed! Hmmm... no signs of crash repairs, all panels straight as a die.... so you decide, four airbags, or an older design that's MORE rigid?
At this point I drove a long way (in the 164) to check out another 166 for sale - and it was just as bad!
Then of course we have the little things, like the cambelt that hadn't been changed when the dealer said it had been, faulty lights, mirrors, windows, seats, aircon lost its refrigerant, etc. etc. That's a lot of faults for a four-year-old car. I hasten to add that all those items work fine in the 17-year-old 164 with four times the number of kilometres on the clock.
Under the skin, the 166 is basically a stretched 156 - not a bad thing in itself, but when you are used to the 15 interior lights of the 164 - including a light in the fusebox, whose door is trimmed inside and supported on cords when open.... well, the parts-bin items of the 166 are cheap, regardless of how sexy that Momo leather may look.
After just under three months, almost 600km driven, and over $2000 spent, I sold the 166 for a $3000 loss. The sort of thing to make your accountant cry into his Chianti.
The night I sold the 166, the heater core blew - steaming the windscreen and soaking the carpets. I gave the buyer a bit more off. Later that week, the water pump plastic impeller cracked, spun on the shaft, and the engine overheated. During the repairs, someone disconnected the (original) battery. The ICS security code can't be found for that particular version (codes exist for the other two ICS versions, just not for that one), and so after only a few days of successful driving, the new owner had no radio, air-conditioning, trip-computer, heater etc. After spending more than he paid for the car, I believe it's operational again. The owner may be wishing he hadn't sold the '93 Toyota Camry for $1500.
I now promise to myself that I WILL restore my 164 - someday. In the meantime, I carry on driving it. It's just the best car I've ever owned. I am so relieved that I didn't sell it when the 166 'arrived'.
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On the other side of town, a car parked on the main road catches my eye every time. It is muscular, long, and low - shiny, sculpted, and handsome. Playboy meets banker - it's a dark-blue 166. I must get one of those... some day!
-Alex
