R
ramblingjack
Guest
Hard to believe, but another year has passed. Once again, it's time for
the Darwin Award Nominees. The Darwin's are awarded every year to the
persons who died in the most stupid manner, thereby removing themselves
from the gene pool. This year's nine nominees are:
Nominee No. 1: [San Jose Mercury News]: An unidentified man, using a
shotgun like a club to break a former girlfriend's windshield,
accidentally shot himself to death when the gun discharged, blowing a hole
in his gut.
Nominee No. 2: [Kalamazoo Gazette]: James Burns, 34, (a mechanic) of
Alamo, MI, was killed in March as he was trying to repair what police
describe as a "farm-type truck." Burns got a friend to drive the truck on
a highway while Burns hung underneath so that he could ascertain the
source of a troubling noise. Burns' clothes caught on something, however,
and the other man found Burns "wrapped in the drive shaft."
Nominee No. 3: [Hickory Daily Record]: Ken Charles Barger, 47,
accidentally shot himself to death in December in Newton, NC. Awakening to
the sound of a ringing telephone beside his bed, he reached for the phone
but grabbed instead a Smith & Wesson 38 Special, which discharged when he
drew it to his ear. (For whatever reason, residents of Southern states
always seem to figure prominently among the Darwin nominees.)
Nominee No. 4: [UPI, Toronto]: Police said a lawyer demonstrating the
safety of windows in a downtown Toronto skyscraper crashed through a pane
with his shoulder and plunged 24 floors to his death. A police spokesman
said Garry Hoy, 39, fell into the courtyard of the Toronto Dominion Bank
Tower early Friday evening as he was explaining the strength of the
building's windows to visiting law students. Hoy previously has conducted
demonstrations of window strength according to police reports. Peter
Lawson, managing partner of the firm Holden Day, told the Toronto Sun
newspaper that Hoy was "one of the best and brightest" members of the
200-man association. (Nice to see another Canadian province getting into
the awards.... The Maritimes always have been heavily involved.)
Nominee No. 5: [Bloomberg News Service]: A terrible diet and a room with
no ventilation are being blamed for the death of a man who was killed by
his own gas emissions. There was no mark on his body, and an autopsy
showed large amounts of methane gas in his system. His diet had consisted
primarily of beans and cabbage (and a couple of other things). It was just
the right combination of foods. It appears that the man died in his sleep
from breathing the poisonous cloud that was hanging over his bed. Had he
been outside or had his windows been opened, it wouldn't have been fatal.
But the man was shut up in his nearly airtight bedroom. According to the
article, "He was a big man with a huge capacity for creating "this deadly
gas." Three of the rescuers got sick, and one was hospitalized.
Nominee No. 6: [The News of the Weird]: Michael Anderson Godwin made News
of the Weird posthumously. He had spent several years awaiting South
Carolina's electric chair on a murder conviction before having his
sentence reduced to life in prison. While sitting on a metal toilet in his
cell attempting to fix his small TV set, he bit into a wire and was
electrocuted. (South Carolina entrants are always perennial favorites.)
Nominee No. 7: [The Indianapolis Star]: A cigarette lighter may have
triggered a fatal explosion in Dunkirk, IN. A Jay County man, using a
cigarette lighter to check the barrel of a muzzle loader, was killed
Monday night when the weapon discharged in his face, sheriff's
investigators said. Gregory David Pryor, 19, died in his parents' rural
Dunkirk home at about 11:30 PM. Investigators said Pryor was cleaning a
54-caliber muzzleloader that had not been firing properly. He was using
the lighter to look into the barrel when the gunpowder ignited.
Nominee No. 8: [Reuters, Mississauga, Ontario]: A man cleaning a bird
feeder on the balcony of his condominium apartment in this Toronto suburb
slipped and fell 23 stories to his death. Stefan Macko, 55, was standing
on a wheeled chair when the accident occurred, said Inspector D'Arcy
Honer of the Peel Regional Police. "It appears that the chair moved, and
he went over the balcony," Honer said. (Another Ontario entry.... I wonder
if people are moving there from the Maritime Provinces.)
Finally, THE WINNER!!!: [Arkansas Democrat Gazette]: Two local men were
injured when their pickup truck left the road and struck a tree near
Cotton Patch on State Highway 38 early Monday. Woodruff County deputy
Dovey Snyder reported the accident shortly after midnight Monday. Thurston
Poole, 33, of Des Arc, and Billy Ray Wallis, 38, of Little Rock, were
returning to Des Arc after a frog gigging trip on an overcast Sunday night
when Poole's pickup truck headlights malfunctioned.
The two men concluded that the headlight fuse on the older-model truck had
burned out. As a replacement fuse was not available, Wallis noticed that
the .22 caliber bullet from his pistol fit perfectly into the fuse box
next to the steering-wheel column. Upon inserting the bullet the
headlights again began to operate properly, and the two men proceeded on
eastbound toward the White River Bridge.
After traveling approximately 20 miles, and just before crossing the
river, the bullet apparently overheated, discharged, and struck Poole in
the testicles.
The vehicle swerved sharply right, exiting the pavement, and striking a
tree. Poole suffered only minor cuts and abrasions from the accident, but
will require extensive surgery to repair the damage to his testicles,
which will never operate as intended. Wallis sustained a broken clavicle
and was treated and released.
"Thank God we weren't on that bridge when Thurston shot his balls off, or
we might both be dead," stated Wallis. "I've been a trooper for 10 years
in this part of the world, but this is a first for me. I can't believe
that those two would admit how this accident happened," said Snyder. Upon
being notified of the wreck, Lavinia (Poole's wife) asked how many frogs
the boys had caught and did anyone get them from the truck???
(Though Poole and Wallis did not die as a result of their misadventure as
normally required by Darwin Award Official Rules, it can be argued that
Poole DID, in fact, effectively remove himself from the gene pool.)
the Darwin Award Nominees. The Darwin's are awarded every year to the
persons who died in the most stupid manner, thereby removing themselves
from the gene pool. This year's nine nominees are:
Nominee No. 1: [San Jose Mercury News]: An unidentified man, using a
shotgun like a club to break a former girlfriend's windshield,
accidentally shot himself to death when the gun discharged, blowing a hole
in his gut.
Nominee No. 2: [Kalamazoo Gazette]: James Burns, 34, (a mechanic) of
Alamo, MI, was killed in March as he was trying to repair what police
describe as a "farm-type truck." Burns got a friend to drive the truck on
a highway while Burns hung underneath so that he could ascertain the
source of a troubling noise. Burns' clothes caught on something, however,
and the other man found Burns "wrapped in the drive shaft."
Nominee No. 3: [Hickory Daily Record]: Ken Charles Barger, 47,
accidentally shot himself to death in December in Newton, NC. Awakening to
the sound of a ringing telephone beside his bed, he reached for the phone
but grabbed instead a Smith & Wesson 38 Special, which discharged when he
drew it to his ear. (For whatever reason, residents of Southern states
always seem to figure prominently among the Darwin nominees.)
Nominee No. 4: [UPI, Toronto]: Police said a lawyer demonstrating the
safety of windows in a downtown Toronto skyscraper crashed through a pane
with his shoulder and plunged 24 floors to his death. A police spokesman
said Garry Hoy, 39, fell into the courtyard of the Toronto Dominion Bank
Tower early Friday evening as he was explaining the strength of the
building's windows to visiting law students. Hoy previously has conducted
demonstrations of window strength according to police reports. Peter
Lawson, managing partner of the firm Holden Day, told the Toronto Sun
newspaper that Hoy was "one of the best and brightest" members of the
200-man association. (Nice to see another Canadian province getting into
the awards.... The Maritimes always have been heavily involved.)
Nominee No. 5: [Bloomberg News Service]: A terrible diet and a room with
no ventilation are being blamed for the death of a man who was killed by
his own gas emissions. There was no mark on his body, and an autopsy
showed large amounts of methane gas in his system. His diet had consisted
primarily of beans and cabbage (and a couple of other things). It was just
the right combination of foods. It appears that the man died in his sleep
from breathing the poisonous cloud that was hanging over his bed. Had he
been outside or had his windows been opened, it wouldn't have been fatal.
But the man was shut up in his nearly airtight bedroom. According to the
article, "He was a big man with a huge capacity for creating "this deadly
gas." Three of the rescuers got sick, and one was hospitalized.
Nominee No. 6: [The News of the Weird]: Michael Anderson Godwin made News
of the Weird posthumously. He had spent several years awaiting South
Carolina's electric chair on a murder conviction before having his
sentence reduced to life in prison. While sitting on a metal toilet in his
cell attempting to fix his small TV set, he bit into a wire and was
electrocuted. (South Carolina entrants are always perennial favorites.)
Nominee No. 7: [The Indianapolis Star]: A cigarette lighter may have
triggered a fatal explosion in Dunkirk, IN. A Jay County man, using a
cigarette lighter to check the barrel of a muzzle loader, was killed
Monday night when the weapon discharged in his face, sheriff's
investigators said. Gregory David Pryor, 19, died in his parents' rural
Dunkirk home at about 11:30 PM. Investigators said Pryor was cleaning a
54-caliber muzzleloader that had not been firing properly. He was using
the lighter to look into the barrel when the gunpowder ignited.
Nominee No. 8: [Reuters, Mississauga, Ontario]: A man cleaning a bird
feeder on the balcony of his condominium apartment in this Toronto suburb
slipped and fell 23 stories to his death. Stefan Macko, 55, was standing
on a wheeled chair when the accident occurred, said Inspector D'Arcy
Honer of the Peel Regional Police. "It appears that the chair moved, and
he went over the balcony," Honer said. (Another Ontario entry.... I wonder
if people are moving there from the Maritime Provinces.)
Finally, THE WINNER!!!: [Arkansas Democrat Gazette]: Two local men were
injured when their pickup truck left the road and struck a tree near
Cotton Patch on State Highway 38 early Monday. Woodruff County deputy
Dovey Snyder reported the accident shortly after midnight Monday. Thurston
Poole, 33, of Des Arc, and Billy Ray Wallis, 38, of Little Rock, were
returning to Des Arc after a frog gigging trip on an overcast Sunday night
when Poole's pickup truck headlights malfunctioned.
The two men concluded that the headlight fuse on the older-model truck had
burned out. As a replacement fuse was not available, Wallis noticed that
the .22 caliber bullet from his pistol fit perfectly into the fuse box
next to the steering-wheel column. Upon inserting the bullet the
headlights again began to operate properly, and the two men proceeded on
eastbound toward the White River Bridge.
After traveling approximately 20 miles, and just before crossing the
river, the bullet apparently overheated, discharged, and struck Poole in
the testicles.
The vehicle swerved sharply right, exiting the pavement, and striking a
tree. Poole suffered only minor cuts and abrasions from the accident, but
will require extensive surgery to repair the damage to his testicles,
which will never operate as intended. Wallis sustained a broken clavicle
and was treated and released.
"Thank God we weren't on that bridge when Thurston shot his balls off, or
we might both be dead," stated Wallis. "I've been a trooper for 10 years
in this part of the world, but this is a first for me. I can't believe
that those two would admit how this accident happened," said Snyder. Upon
being notified of the wreck, Lavinia (Poole's wife) asked how many frogs
the boys had caught and did anyone get them from the truck???
(Though Poole and Wallis did not die as a result of their misadventure as
normally required by Darwin Award Official Rules, it can be argued that
Poole DID, in fact, effectively remove himself from the gene pool.)