R
Roberto
Guest
THE SQUIRREL AND THE GRASSHOPPER
REST OF THE WORLD VERSION:
The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long,
building and improving his house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The
grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the
summer away.
Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed. The shivering
grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.
THE END
Welcome to
THE BRITISH VERSION:
The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long,
building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The
grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the
summer away. Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.
A social worker finds the shivering grasshopper, calls a press
conference and demands to know why the squirrel should be allowed to
be warm and well fed while others less fortunate, like the
grasshopper, are cold and starving.
The BBC shows up to provide live
coverage of the shivering grasshopper; with cuts to a video of the
squirrel in his comfortable warm home with a table laden with food.
The British press inform people that they should be ashamed
that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to
suffer so while others have plenty. The Labour Party, Greenpeace,
Animal Rights and The Grasshopper Council of GB demonstrate in front
of the squirrel's house.
The BBC, interrupting a cultural festival special from
Notting Hill with breaking news, broadcasts a multi cultural choir
singing "We Shall Overcome". Ken Livingstone rants in an interview
with Trevor McDonald that the squirrel has gotten rich off the backs
of grasshoppers, and calls for an immediate tax hike on the squirrel
to make him pay his "fair share"and increases the charge for squirrels to enter inner London.
In response to pressure from the media, the Government drafts
the Economic Equity and Grasshopper Anti Discrimination Act,
retroactive to the beginning of the summer.
The squirrel's taxes are reassessed. He is taken to court and
fined for failing to hire grasshoppers as builders for the work he was
doing on his home and an additional fine for contempt when he told the
court the grasshopper did not want to work.
The grasshopper is provided with a council house, financial
aid to furnish it and an account with a local taxi firm to ensure he
can be socially mobile. The squirrels food is seized and
re-distributed to the more needy members of society, in this case the grasshopper.
Without enough money to buy more food, to pay the fine and his
newly imposed retroactive taxes, the squirrel has to downsize and
start building a new home.
The local authority takes over his old home
and utilises it as a temporary home for asylum seeking cats who had
hijacked a plane to get to Britain as they had to share their country
of origin with mice. On arrival they tried to blow up the airport
because of Britain's apparent love of dogs.
The cats had been arrested for the international offence of
hijacking and attempt bombing but were immediately released because
the police fed them pilchards instead of salmon whilst in custody.
Initial moves to then return them to their own country were abandoned
because it was feared they would face death by the mice. The cats
devise and start a scam to obtain money from peoples credit cards.
A Panorama special shows the grasshopper finishing up the last
of the squirrels' food, though Spring is still months away, while the
council house he is in, crumbles around him because he hasn't bothered
to maintain the house. He is shown to be taking drugs. Inadequate
government funding is blamed for the grasshoppers drug 'illness'.
The cats seek recompense in the British courts for their
treatment since arrival in UK.
The grasshopper gets arrested for stabbing an old dog during a
burglary to get money for his drugs habit. He is imprisoned but
released immediately because he has been in custody for a few weeks.
He is placed in the care of the probation service to monitor and
supervise him. Within a few weeks he has killed a guinea pig in a
botched robbery.
A commission of enquiry, that will eventually cost £10,000,000
and state the obvious, is set up.
Additional money is put into funding a drug rehabilitation
scheme for grasshoppers and legal aid for lawyers representing asylum
seekers is increased. The asylum seeking cats are praised by the
government for enriching Britain's multicultural diversity and dogs
are criticised by the government for failing to befriend the cats.
The grasshopper dies of a drug overdose. The usual sections of
the press blame it on the obvious failure of government to address the
root causes of despair arising from social inequity and his traumatic
experience of prison. They call for the resignation of a minister.
The cats are paid a million pounds each because their rights
were infringed when the government failed to inform them there were
mice in the United Kingdom.
The squirrel, the dogs and the victims of the hijacking, the
bombing, the burglaries and robberies have to pay an additional
percentage on their credit cards to cover losses, their taxes are
increased to pay for law and order and they are told that they will
have to work beyond 65 because of a shortfall in government funds.
The End
Rob
Marea Weekend 1.8 16v 115 ELX
REST OF THE WORLD VERSION:
The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long,
building and improving his house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The
grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the
summer away.
Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed. The shivering
grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.
THE END
Welcome to
THE BRITISH VERSION:
The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long,
building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The
grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the
summer away. Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.
A social worker finds the shivering grasshopper, calls a press
conference and demands to know why the squirrel should be allowed to
be warm and well fed while others less fortunate, like the
grasshopper, are cold and starving.
The BBC shows up to provide live
coverage of the shivering grasshopper; with cuts to a video of the
squirrel in his comfortable warm home with a table laden with food.
The British press inform people that they should be ashamed
that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to
suffer so while others have plenty. The Labour Party, Greenpeace,
Animal Rights and The Grasshopper Council of GB demonstrate in front
of the squirrel's house.
The BBC, interrupting a cultural festival special from
Notting Hill with breaking news, broadcasts a multi cultural choir
singing "We Shall Overcome". Ken Livingstone rants in an interview
with Trevor McDonald that the squirrel has gotten rich off the backs
of grasshoppers, and calls for an immediate tax hike on the squirrel
to make him pay his "fair share"and increases the charge for squirrels to enter inner London.
In response to pressure from the media, the Government drafts
the Economic Equity and Grasshopper Anti Discrimination Act,
retroactive to the beginning of the summer.
The squirrel's taxes are reassessed. He is taken to court and
fined for failing to hire grasshoppers as builders for the work he was
doing on his home and an additional fine for contempt when he told the
court the grasshopper did not want to work.
The grasshopper is provided with a council house, financial
aid to furnish it and an account with a local taxi firm to ensure he
can be socially mobile. The squirrels food is seized and
re-distributed to the more needy members of society, in this case the grasshopper.
Without enough money to buy more food, to pay the fine and his
newly imposed retroactive taxes, the squirrel has to downsize and
start building a new home.
The local authority takes over his old home
and utilises it as a temporary home for asylum seeking cats who had
hijacked a plane to get to Britain as they had to share their country
of origin with mice. On arrival they tried to blow up the airport
because of Britain's apparent love of dogs.
The cats had been arrested for the international offence of
hijacking and attempt bombing but were immediately released because
the police fed them pilchards instead of salmon whilst in custody.
Initial moves to then return them to their own country were abandoned
because it was feared they would face death by the mice. The cats
devise and start a scam to obtain money from peoples credit cards.
A Panorama special shows the grasshopper finishing up the last
of the squirrels' food, though Spring is still months away, while the
council house he is in, crumbles around him because he hasn't bothered
to maintain the house. He is shown to be taking drugs. Inadequate
government funding is blamed for the grasshoppers drug 'illness'.
The cats seek recompense in the British courts for their
treatment since arrival in UK.
The grasshopper gets arrested for stabbing an old dog during a
burglary to get money for his drugs habit. He is imprisoned but
released immediately because he has been in custody for a few weeks.
He is placed in the care of the probation service to monitor and
supervise him. Within a few weeks he has killed a guinea pig in a
botched robbery.
A commission of enquiry, that will eventually cost £10,000,000
and state the obvious, is set up.
Additional money is put into funding a drug rehabilitation
scheme for grasshoppers and legal aid for lawyers representing asylum
seekers is increased. The asylum seeking cats are praised by the
government for enriching Britain's multicultural diversity and dogs
are criticised by the government for failing to befriend the cats.
The grasshopper dies of a drug overdose. The usual sections of
the press blame it on the obvious failure of government to address the
root causes of despair arising from social inequity and his traumatic
experience of prison. They call for the resignation of a minister.
The cats are paid a million pounds each because their rights
were infringed when the government failed to inform them there were
mice in the United Kingdom.
The squirrel, the dogs and the victims of the hijacking, the
bombing, the burglaries and robberies have to pay an additional
percentage on their credit cards to cover losses, their taxes are
increased to pay for law and order and they are told that they will
have to work beyond 65 because of a shortfall in government funds.
The End
Rob
Marea Weekend 1.8 16v 115 ELX
