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Anonymous

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An example to all mankind


One evening last week my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and when she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me" I said "WHAT???!!!"

So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear "You're not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man"

She responded to my puzzled look by saying "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?".

Realising that nothing was going to happen that night I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her.

We went out for a nice lunch and then went to shop at Harrods. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits.

She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her that we'll just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to complement her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went on to the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings.

Let me tell you, she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think that she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

I think that I threw her a loop when I said "That's fine honey".

She was almost reaching sexual satisfaction from all the excitement.
Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier".

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it".

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled "WHAT???!!!"

I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD the stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman" And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added.

"Why can't you love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either!
 
No speak English

There was this Asian lady married to an American gentleman
and they lived in Honolulu.

The poor lady was not very proficient English, but managed to communicate with her husband.

The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries.

One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy a leg of mutton She didn't know how to put forward her request, and in desperation, lifted up her skirt to show her thighs.

The butcher got the message and the lady went home with mutton legs.

The next day, she needed to get chicken breasts. Again, she didn't know how to say, and so she unbuttoned her blouse to show the butcher her breast. The lady got what she wanted.

The 3rd day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages.
Unable to find a way to communicate this, she brought her husband to the store...
(Please scroll down.¬
























What were you thinking?

Helloooooooooo, her husband speaks English!!
Now get back to work...........!
 
thats a classic matey

pity its so long cos its got the makings of a real good text joke

lol
lol
 

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