Cancer

[colin79666]

I'm sure I'm not the only one on here who has gone through/is going through this.

A few weeks ago we learned that my dad has cancer. He hadn't been right for a while so we knew something was up. After several trips to the GP he finally got referred and after done tests and scans we got the news we had been dreading.

Even after a few weeks I still can't really believe this is happening. I mean he's my dad. He isn't supposed to get ill and given our ages I would never have imagined things would take such a turn so soon. Frankly I feel lost and my emotions are all over the place

I feel I need to be strong for my dad and my mum. He is due to get chemotherapy soon but the medical people have warned us that the odds aren't good long term.

I just can't image him not being around. I know some people aren't as fortunate as I. We have always been a close family, I guess there never is a right time for someone to go.

 

[dave]

been there, stay strong for him show him you will be able to cope if the worst does happen, the anxiety cancer sufferers get worrying about how everyone else will cope is not good, remember a lot of people do beat the odds.

 

[Ffoxy]

As dave says... I was diagnosed with skin cancer 2 years back. Operation removed it and all clear now.
But I saw how it affected my kids... If the prognosis is poor work on the bucket list... (things you want to say / do with your Dad that you always put off)

It's an awful shock when you find your parents are just ordinary people, not perfect and as vulnerable as anyone else, support him, and dont forget Mom... talk about his illness (he'll want to share his burden) He'll be scared too... I know I was...

Good luck to your Dad, and the family...

 

[ysidfa]

Been there I hope the best for you and your family.

 

[Didge3]

Am in more or less the same position, two years ago my Dad was diagnosed with bowel cancer, had an operation to have his colon removed and had chemotherapy for 6 months. Unfortunately the caner has moved to his liver so just last week he had another operation to have a chuck of his liver removed, is scheduled for another 6 months of chemotherapy.
The best thing is really to stay positive, chemotherapy is tough and side effects differ from person to person, having managed to deal with it all for the last 2 years you can definitely get through it, never let it get in the way of something else and it'll be alright.
Best Wishes.

 

[Ziggy122]

Same - i kinda hid away
Basically try to help as much as you can - even if its just cooking a meal once a week

life makes you grow stronger when it kicks you in the balls - Get up fight back, the stronger you are - the better you become

ziggy

 

[PuntoHowTo]

I big part of my my job is spent looking after people who have or have had cancers and tumours, much of the time is spent worrying about the 'patient' and often the emotional well being of the family is ignored.

Remember no matter how bad you feel, your dad will have those thoughts and feelings ten fold he is the one with the illness and its a situation you can not understand or be expected to understand so you'll need to let him guide the way.
Take time out to look after your self, this applies to all members of the family don't feel you have to be at his metaphorical bed side permanently, your presence will undoubtedly drive him up the wall and you'll become fatigued trying to keep it up. Don't forget your friends, you will need them they are your escape and your support, if you give up your friends to look after your dad and the worst happens then it will make the transition very hard without their support.

These days Cancer doesn't mean the same things in used to, and even with a poor prognosis is doesn't mean he can't go on for quite a while.

Stay strong is easy to say but I'm not really sure what it means? Obviously be there if he needs it but without knowing the family dynamic or what the relationship you have with your dad is like its hard to say what you need and don't need to do.
It stupid to think you won't be upset, confused, angry, this is all natural you don't need to feel guilty for having those feelings, just remember there are people who will be very good at explaining to you anything you don't understand or talk to you, your dad or any other family member when you're struggling.

What I would say is if you haven't done so already is contact the MacMillan nurses they really are worth there weight in platinum and will be able to help you.

 

[T14086]

Sorry to hear of your news Colin, it's dreadful and on behalf of the whole forum we wish your dad all the best.

Excellent advice from those who have posted above.

 

[Didge3]

What I would say is if you haven't done so already is contact the MacMillan nurses they really are worth there weight in platinum and will be able to help you.

+1 to that, the MacMillan nurses were a great help, not only for those with cancer themselves but they will talk to relatives too to put minds at rest. They helped answer some of my questions about my Dad.
They are definitely worth giving a call.

 

[AgnessGP]

If im honest, I have no idea what to say, it's difficult to know - all I want to say is that i'm doing a skydive next year for Cancer Research UK and we will raise as much as we can to help people like your Dad at times like this. I hope for the best for you and your family.

 

[The Beard]

I know how you feel Colin, my Dad was diagnosed with Prostate Cancer a couple of years ago but, thankfully, it was found very early and was in its infancy. It is being treated with mild doses of chemotherapy and seems to be under contro.

However, a friend of Mrs. B went to her doctor to have a medication review for a course of tablets she was on and happened to mention that her sister had just died of stomach cancer, as had her two brothers, and her mother, and her grandmother.

The GP acted quickly and she went for a scan. Diagnosis was confirmed and, although the price was high, losing 90% of her stomach was better than losing 100% of her life.

She is getting on a bit at 75, but another friend of ours is only 52 and was diagnosed with bladder and bowel cancer, he's lost most of both but so far, touch wood, is doing ok.

For two out of the above 3 it's been a hell of a long drag but, I know this might seem a little odd, there's never been a better time to have cancer. Wish your Dad all the best and be there to help take some of the strain off him. He's probably been doing it for you for the last God knows how many years.

It's payback time.