these were all in an article in the Edinburgh evening news
real questions asked in court
Q:what is your date of birth?
A:july 15th
Q:what year
A:every year
-------------------------
Q:do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in the voodoo or occult?
A:we both do
Q:Voodoo?
A:we do
Q:you do?
A:yes,voodoo
----------------
Q:doctor how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A:all my autopsies are performed on dead people
----------------
Q:All your answers must be oral,okay?what school did you go to?
A:Oral
---------------
Q:do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A:the autopsy started at around 8.30pm
Q:and mr dennington was dead at the time?
A:no,he was sitting on the table wondering why i was doing the autopsy
----------------
Q:doctor,before you performed the autopsy,did you check for a pulse?
A:no
Q:did you check for blood pressure?
A:no
Q:did you check for breathing
A:no
Q:so,then is it possible the patient was alive when you started the autopsy?
A:no
Q:so how can you be sure
A:because his brain was sitting in a jar on my desk.
Q:but could the patient have been still alive nevertheless?
A:well it is possible that he could have been alive and practising law somewhere
-------------------------
genuine cv mistakes
i am extremly loyal to my present firm,so please dont let them know of my immediate availability
------------------------
here are my qualifications for you to overlook
-----------------
reason for leaving my last job:"was met with a string of lies and broken promises,as well as cockroaches
-----------------
special requests:"please call me after 5.30 because i am self-employed and my employer does not know i am looking for another job"
-----------------
physical disabilities:"minor allergies to house cats and mongolian sheep"
------------------
military warnings
these are genuine warnings on military hardware and publications
-----------------
if you see a bomb technician running ,try to keep up with him-us ammo troop
-----------------
aim towards enemy-instructions on us rocket launcher
---------------
when the pin is pulled ,mr grenade is not our friend-us army
----------------
cluster bombing from b-52s is very,very accurate.the bombs are always guarenteed to always hit the ground-asaf ammo troop
-----------------
if the enemy is in range,so are you-infantry journel
---------------
pilot complaints
these are looged maintenence complaints by qantas pilots and the solution logged by the engineer.
P:left inside main tyre almost needs replacement
E:almost replaced left maintyre
--------------------
P:test flight ok,except autoland very rough.
E:autoland not installed on this aircraft
--------------
P:something loose in cockpit
E:something tightened in cockpit
-------------
P:dead bugs on windshield
E:live bugs on backorder
---------------
P:autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-pfm descent
E:cannot reproduce problem on the ground
---------------
P:evidence of a leak on the right main landing gear
E:evidence removed
---------------
P
ME volume unbelievably loud
EME volume set to a more believable level
------------------
in qantas's defence they are the only major airline not to have had an accident
A Dog Is Not Just For Christmas
Sliced Thinly It Can Last Till Easter
real questions asked in court
Q:what is your date of birth?
A:july 15th
Q:what year
A:every year
-------------------------
Q:do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in the voodoo or occult?
A:we both do
Q:Voodoo?
A:we do
Q:you do?
A:yes,voodoo
----------------
Q:doctor how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A:all my autopsies are performed on dead people
----------------
Q:All your answers must be oral,okay?what school did you go to?
A:Oral
---------------
Q:do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A:the autopsy started at around 8.30pm
Q:and mr dennington was dead at the time?
A:no,he was sitting on the table wondering why i was doing the autopsy
----------------
Q:doctor,before you performed the autopsy,did you check for a pulse?
A:no
Q:did you check for blood pressure?
A:no
Q:did you check for breathing
A:no
Q:so,then is it possible the patient was alive when you started the autopsy?
A:no
Q:so how can you be sure
A:because his brain was sitting in a jar on my desk.
Q:but could the patient have been still alive nevertheless?
A:well it is possible that he could have been alive and practising law somewhere
-------------------------
genuine cv mistakes
i am extremly loyal to my present firm,so please dont let them know of my immediate availability
------------------------
here are my qualifications for you to overlook
-----------------
reason for leaving my last job:"was met with a string of lies and broken promises,as well as cockroaches
-----------------
special requests:"please call me after 5.30 because i am self-employed and my employer does not know i am looking for another job"
-----------------
physical disabilities:"minor allergies to house cats and mongolian sheep"
------------------
military warnings
these are genuine warnings on military hardware and publications
-----------------
if you see a bomb technician running ,try to keep up with him-us ammo troop
-----------------
aim towards enemy-instructions on us rocket launcher
---------------
when the pin is pulled ,mr grenade is not our friend-us army
----------------
cluster bombing from b-52s is very,very accurate.the bombs are always guarenteed to always hit the ground-asaf ammo troop
-----------------
if the enemy is in range,so are you-infantry journel
---------------
pilot complaints
these are looged maintenence complaints by qantas pilots and the solution logged by the engineer.
P:left inside main tyre almost needs replacement
E:almost replaced left maintyre
--------------------
P:test flight ok,except autoland very rough.
E:autoland not installed on this aircraft
--------------
P:something loose in cockpit
E:something tightened in cockpit
-------------
P:dead bugs on windshield
E:live bugs on backorder
---------------
P:autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-pfm descent
E:cannot reproduce problem on the ground
---------------
P:evidence of a leak on the right main landing gear
E:evidence removed
---------------
P
ME volume unbelievably loudE
ME volume set to a more believable level------------------
in qantas's defence they are the only major airline not to have had an accident
A Dog Is Not Just For Christmas
Sliced Thinly It Can Last Till Easter
