again nicked from punto sports
AND HERE ARE THE LADIES
Ada - Blue haired, smells of wee.
Aileen - laughs like a demented dog. likes tic tacs
Alison - Bra and pants are the same garment, looks better with the light off.
Amanda - I.Q. tends to be smaller than bra size. A good shag though.
Amy - Devious, Likes being on top, never stays the night - Not to be trusted.
Andrea - Small breasts, drinks pints.
Angela - Vain, Hair style more important than oxygen. Usually foun hanging around toilets.
Annabelle - Doesn't wear knickers.
Annette - She's BIG.
Anne - Looks like a horse, can't drive.
Barbara - Shags like a rabbit, not fussy about appearance.
Belinda - Pleasing on the eye, usually has a couple of good points.
Beryl - Repressed alcoholic.
Beverley - Trapped in an eighties timewarp.
Bianca - Ginger.
Bridgette - Eats pizzas all day, smokes cigars.
Britney - Falsely improved, no use to society.
Camilla - replaces the word 'yes' with 'ya'.
Carina - Looks like the back of a bus, doesn't swallow.
Caroline - Lard arse, shaves her ears.
Catherine - Attracted to the older man, needs ironing.
Claire - Usually neurotic, gives good head, can have lesbian tendencies.
Celine - Emits hideous noises, waste of DNA.
Charlotte - Enjoys tea and cake, farts the national anthem.
Cheryl - Can fit hand in mouth, eats glass.
Christine - Likes men in uniform, never warm.
Daisy - Virgin.
Danni - Should make nice threesome with sibling.
Davina - drug induced mental damage, should shave her neck.
Dawn - Gets up early, smells of chips.
Deborah - Bites the pillow, uses both hands.
Denise - Sits on cats eyes, wears too much make up.
Diane - Enjoys company of animals. Deep as a puddle. Adds nothing to society.
Donna - 70's throw back, likes cabbage.
Doris - Purple haired, stinks of wee.
Elaine - Rides side saddle, drinks meths.
Elizabeth - Born to rock, hates chickens.
Ellie - Far too attractive for the swear words that come out of her mouth
Emily - Wears odd socks, can have lesbian tendencies.
Emma - Gullible and easily swayed by a good looker!
Estelle - Likes wombles, eats grass.
Esther - Plump with sagging breasts, normally heavily tattooed.
Faith - Legs met at knees, can't shag standing up.
Faye - Wears wellies, can't swim.
Felicity - She'll stab you with her nipples, plays darts.
Fiona - Female mud wrestler, gives head.
Francine - French.
Gabrielle - French too.
Gail - Farts a lot, drinks Guinness.
Gayleen - Big tall woman who talks ****e all day.
Gaynor - Lesbian.
Geraldine - Too posh for her own good, likes flying.
Gillian - Dyes her hair green, likes clubbing.
Gina - Eternal mother, eats nappies.
Glenda - Eats children, hates smoking.
Georgina - Wants to be a man.
Gwyneth - Blubs a lot, wees in the bath.
Hannah - Needs to be naked at all times, eats kebabs.
Heather - Shags like a freight train, a screamer.
Helen - Hangs around with the wrong crowd, Kinky in bed, loves porn.
Heidi - The hills are alive with the sound of music, likes gherkins.
Hilary - Frigid.
Holly - Prickly to the touch, seasonal shagmeister.
Imogen - Drinks tequila from the bottle, wets the bed.
Ingrid - Right wing Nazi tendencies, never smiles.
Isabelle - necessary on a bicycle?
Jackie - Heroin addict, sold her child.
Janet - Massive over bite, no neck.
Jane - Babe, I'd drink her bath water.
Jasmin - Smells of sewers, eats the heads off rats.
Jemma - Does anal, wears too much eye make-up.
Jennifer - Huge breasts, should shave her legs more often.
Jessica - Virgin, always will be.
Joanne - Moans in her sleep, can't cook, moans when she wakes up - I wouldn't!
Jordan - Ha ha ha ha ha - nuff said.
Judith - Big eyes, big tits
Judy - Huge tits, married to an arse.
Julia - Innocent face, don't trust her, she'll steal your wallet in five minutes
Justine- Massive tits, likes hanging around men's toilets.
Julie - Jabba the Hutt's sister, constantly pregnant.
Karen - Huge tits, shags like a rabbit.
Kate - see Catherine.
Keeley-gives great head, fullfills all sexual fantacies and takes it up the batty
Kelly - smells of cheese, slobbers when kissing.
Kimberley - wants to be a bloke, drinks like a bloke, farts like a bloke, wears a wig.
Kirsty - Eats live moles, can't dance.
Kylie - Can't sing but who cares - BOING !!!!!!!
Kym - Illiterate parents - see Kim.
Lana - Hated by her parents, accidental pregnancy.
Lara - Action packed, never seen naked.
Laura - Likes Max power magazine, can't drive.
Lauren - Pert breasts, seldom ventures out at night.
Leah - Likes outdoor sex, wees standing up.
Lena - Eats food then throws up, rapidly shrinking.
Leslie - Likes bondage, hates men.
Linda - Teenage bride, can swallow oranges whole.
Lindsey - Likes doggy style, doesn't do housework.
Lisa - Will take all your money and run, gets turned on by porn.
Liz - Long legged and brainey.
Lorraine - Constantly whinges, will strip for a packet jellybabies
Louise/a - Phwoooorrrrrrrrrr, Boing Boing Boing.
Lucy - Strange dancer, wants to marry her dad.
Madeline - Drives like a bloke, likes tractors.
Maggie - Trainspotter, likes plaid.
Margaret - Lovely mother, very generous.
Maria - Bangs like a barn door.
Marie - Life sapping dominatrix. Likes men to do DIY.
Marina - No get up and go, rusty underwear.
Marolyn - Eats like a horse, out stays her welcome.
Martina - Ugly lesbian.
Martine - Can't act, can't sing, nice tits.
Matilda - Likes dancing, mainly the waltz.
Mary - had a little lamb.
Meg - Cheesy smell, should be spelt with an S.
Melanie - Can hold 2 bar vacuum orally indefinitely.
Melissa - Eats dogs, been in prison 6 times for burglary.
Meryl - Dances like an ape, doesn't realise.
Michaela - Likes animals, should make a video with them.
Michelle - Wears white stilettos, dances round her handbag.
Marsha - Big butt, small brain.
Monica - Doesn't swallow, should have.
Naomi - Wannabe diva, more of a diver.
Nancy - White hair, remembers tanners.
Natalie - Eats with her mouth open, farts the Nokia phone tune.
Natasha - Had seven kids before age 17, needs ironing.
Nell - Hasn't realised WWII has ended, lives in Kent.
Nicola - Slapper, alcoholic in denial.
Nina - Stuffs her bra with tissues, been single for years.
Olga - You can park a bike in her arse crack, excessive facial hair.
Olive - Oily skin, oils up well.
Olivia - Neutron bomb.
Pamela - Gives amazing head, made of plastic.
Pat - Butt ugly lesbian.
Paula - Transvestite merchant banker for Basildon.
Penelope - Pitstop queen, likes men to be stiff.
Phillippa - Forest forager, likes wild boar.
Petra - Dead dog.
Priscilla - likes painting with oils, Duckhams mainly.
Rachel - Amazing gravity defying breasts, can grip a tenner in her cheeks.
Rebecca - Hairy armpits, orgasms without contact.
Rhonda - Help me, help me.
Rosalind - Whahey, nuff said. Maybe 10 years ago.
Rose - Can be prickly, good head giver
Roseanne - ERRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH.
Rula - She measures up well.
Sadie - Stand up if you're slim, please stand up.
Sally - Drives a Mustang, fights in pubs.
Samantha - Loves her brother, has 4 deformed children.
Sandra - Shags donkeys for fun, bow legged.
Sarah - Likes pressed flowers and body piercing.
Selina - Doesn't wear pants, heavy laundry bills.
Shania - What?
Sharon - Shags like a locomotive, yo-yo knickers.
Shirley - Can swallow a Curly Wurly whole, likes bananas.
Sian - Does mean sheep impression, hates mint sauce.
Simone - Used to be a shotputter from Cardiff.
Sinitta - who?
Sonya - Dirty lady of the night. Often referred to as a "carrier"
Sophie - Brothel madam, wears a wrinkly corset.
&Stacey -Likes cut off jeans and arseless Speedo's.
Steffi - Closet lesbian, maintains heterosexual relationship for effect.
Stephanie - Eats Muppets, wears Brogues.
Sue/Susanne - should shave more often, wears Denim aftershave.
Tanya - Hot minx, too short.
Tara - Upper class slapper, needs extra chemicals.
Tiffany - who?
Tina - Face like a smacked arse, should eat less.
Tori - Lives under a hedge, can't water ski.
Tracy - Easily swayed by alcohol. Mostly seen without underwear.Loves kittens.
Tracey - Lesbian.
Ulrika - ka ka ka ka ka ka ka ka.
Ursula - Likes puppies, in curry.
Vicky- Likes Yoga. And Women.
Wendy - Possibly a man.
Zoe - Talentless rock chick. Prepared to use sex as a weapon.
Zandra - Strange appearance, eats guinea pigs dipped in chocolate.
__________________
AND HERE ARE THE LADIES
Ada - Blue haired, smells of wee.
Aileen - laughs like a demented dog. likes tic tacs
Alison - Bra and pants are the same garment, looks better with the light off.
Amanda - I.Q. tends to be smaller than bra size. A good shag though.
Amy - Devious, Likes being on top, never stays the night - Not to be trusted.
Andrea - Small breasts, drinks pints.
Angela - Vain, Hair style more important than oxygen. Usually foun hanging around toilets.
Annabelle - Doesn't wear knickers.
Annette - She's BIG.
Anne - Looks like a horse, can't drive.
Barbara - Shags like a rabbit, not fussy about appearance.
Belinda - Pleasing on the eye, usually has a couple of good points.
Beryl - Repressed alcoholic.
Beverley - Trapped in an eighties timewarp.
Bianca - Ginger.
Bridgette - Eats pizzas all day, smokes cigars.
Britney - Falsely improved, no use to society.
Camilla - replaces the word 'yes' with 'ya'.
Carina - Looks like the back of a bus, doesn't swallow.
Caroline - Lard arse, shaves her ears.
Catherine - Attracted to the older man, needs ironing.
Claire - Usually neurotic, gives good head, can have lesbian tendencies.
Celine - Emits hideous noises, waste of DNA.
Charlotte - Enjoys tea and cake, farts the national anthem.
Cheryl - Can fit hand in mouth, eats glass.
Christine - Likes men in uniform, never warm.
Daisy - Virgin.
Danni - Should make nice threesome with sibling.
Davina - drug induced mental damage, should shave her neck.
Dawn - Gets up early, smells of chips.
Deborah - Bites the pillow, uses both hands.
Denise - Sits on cats eyes, wears too much make up.
Diane - Enjoys company of animals. Deep as a puddle. Adds nothing to society.
Donna - 70's throw back, likes cabbage.
Doris - Purple haired, stinks of wee.
Elaine - Rides side saddle, drinks meths.
Elizabeth - Born to rock, hates chickens.
Ellie - Far too attractive for the swear words that come out of her mouth
Emily - Wears odd socks, can have lesbian tendencies.
Emma - Gullible and easily swayed by a good looker!
Estelle - Likes wombles, eats grass.
Esther - Plump with sagging breasts, normally heavily tattooed.
Faith - Legs met at knees, can't shag standing up.
Faye - Wears wellies, can't swim.
Felicity - She'll stab you with her nipples, plays darts.
Fiona - Female mud wrestler, gives head.
Francine - French.
Gabrielle - French too.
Gail - Farts a lot, drinks Guinness.
Gayleen - Big tall woman who talks ****e all day.
Gaynor - Lesbian.
Geraldine - Too posh for her own good, likes flying.
Gillian - Dyes her hair green, likes clubbing.
Gina - Eternal mother, eats nappies.
Glenda - Eats children, hates smoking.
Georgina - Wants to be a man.
Gwyneth - Blubs a lot, wees in the bath.
Hannah - Needs to be naked at all times, eats kebabs.
Heather - Shags like a freight train, a screamer.
Helen - Hangs around with the wrong crowd, Kinky in bed, loves porn.
Heidi - The hills are alive with the sound of music, likes gherkins.
Hilary - Frigid.
Holly - Prickly to the touch, seasonal shagmeister.
Imogen - Drinks tequila from the bottle, wets the bed.
Ingrid - Right wing Nazi tendencies, never smiles.
Isabelle - necessary on a bicycle?
Jackie - Heroin addict, sold her child.
Janet - Massive over bite, no neck.
Jane - Babe, I'd drink her bath water.
Jasmin - Smells of sewers, eats the heads off rats.
Jemma - Does anal, wears too much eye make-up.
Jennifer - Huge breasts, should shave her legs more often.
Jessica - Virgin, always will be.
Joanne - Moans in her sleep, can't cook, moans when she wakes up - I wouldn't!
Jordan - Ha ha ha ha ha - nuff said.
Judith - Big eyes, big tits
Judy - Huge tits, married to an arse.
Julia - Innocent face, don't trust her, she'll steal your wallet in five minutes
Justine- Massive tits, likes hanging around men's toilets.
Julie - Jabba the Hutt's sister, constantly pregnant.
Karen - Huge tits, shags like a rabbit.
Kate - see Catherine.
Keeley-gives great head, fullfills all sexual fantacies and takes it up the batty
Kelly - smells of cheese, slobbers when kissing.
Kimberley - wants to be a bloke, drinks like a bloke, farts like a bloke, wears a wig.
Kirsty - Eats live moles, can't dance.
Kylie - Can't sing but who cares - BOING !!!!!!!
Kym - Illiterate parents - see Kim.
Lana - Hated by her parents, accidental pregnancy.
Lara - Action packed, never seen naked.
Laura - Likes Max power magazine, can't drive.
Lauren - Pert breasts, seldom ventures out at night.
Leah - Likes outdoor sex, wees standing up.
Lena - Eats food then throws up, rapidly shrinking.
Leslie - Likes bondage, hates men.
Linda - Teenage bride, can swallow oranges whole.
Lindsey - Likes doggy style, doesn't do housework.
Lisa - Will take all your money and run, gets turned on by porn.
Liz - Long legged and brainey.
Lorraine - Constantly whinges, will strip for a packet jellybabies
Louise/a - Phwoooorrrrrrrrrr, Boing Boing Boing.
Lucy - Strange dancer, wants to marry her dad.
Madeline - Drives like a bloke, likes tractors.
Maggie - Trainspotter, likes plaid.
Margaret - Lovely mother, very generous.
Maria - Bangs like a barn door.
Marie - Life sapping dominatrix. Likes men to do DIY.
Marina - No get up and go, rusty underwear.
Marolyn - Eats like a horse, out stays her welcome.
Martina - Ugly lesbian.
Martine - Can't act, can't sing, nice tits.
Matilda - Likes dancing, mainly the waltz.
Mary - had a little lamb.
Meg - Cheesy smell, should be spelt with an S.
Melanie - Can hold 2 bar vacuum orally indefinitely.
Melissa - Eats dogs, been in prison 6 times for burglary.
Meryl - Dances like an ape, doesn't realise.
Michaela - Likes animals, should make a video with them.
Michelle - Wears white stilettos, dances round her handbag.
Marsha - Big butt, small brain.
Monica - Doesn't swallow, should have.
Naomi - Wannabe diva, more of a diver.
Nancy - White hair, remembers tanners.
Natalie - Eats with her mouth open, farts the Nokia phone tune.
Natasha - Had seven kids before age 17, needs ironing.
Nell - Hasn't realised WWII has ended, lives in Kent.
Nicola - Slapper, alcoholic in denial.
Nina - Stuffs her bra with tissues, been single for years.
Olga - You can park a bike in her arse crack, excessive facial hair.
Olive - Oily skin, oils up well.
Olivia - Neutron bomb.
Pamela - Gives amazing head, made of plastic.
Pat - Butt ugly lesbian.
Paula - Transvestite merchant banker for Basildon.
Penelope - Pitstop queen, likes men to be stiff.
Phillippa - Forest forager, likes wild boar.
Petra - Dead dog.
Priscilla - likes painting with oils, Duckhams mainly.
Rachel - Amazing gravity defying breasts, can grip a tenner in her cheeks.
Rebecca - Hairy armpits, orgasms without contact.
Rhonda - Help me, help me.
Rosalind - Whahey, nuff said. Maybe 10 years ago.
Rose - Can be prickly, good head giver
Roseanne - ERRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH.
Rula - She measures up well.
Sadie - Stand up if you're slim, please stand up.
Sally - Drives a Mustang, fights in pubs.
Samantha - Loves her brother, has 4 deformed children.
Sandra - Shags donkeys for fun, bow legged.
Sarah - Likes pressed flowers and body piercing.
Selina - Doesn't wear pants, heavy laundry bills.
Shania - What?
Sharon - Shags like a locomotive, yo-yo knickers.
Shirley - Can swallow a Curly Wurly whole, likes bananas.
Sian - Does mean sheep impression, hates mint sauce.
Simone - Used to be a shotputter from Cardiff.
Sinitta - who?
Sonya - Dirty lady of the night. Often referred to as a "carrier"
Sophie - Brothel madam, wears a wrinkly corset.
&Stacey -Likes cut off jeans and arseless Speedo's.
Steffi - Closet lesbian, maintains heterosexual relationship for effect.
Stephanie - Eats Muppets, wears Brogues.
Sue/Susanne - should shave more often, wears Denim aftershave.
Tanya - Hot minx, too short.
Tara - Upper class slapper, needs extra chemicals.
Tiffany - who?
Tina - Face like a smacked arse, should eat less.
Tori - Lives under a hedge, can't water ski.
Tracy - Easily swayed by alcohol. Mostly seen without underwear.Loves kittens.
Tracey - Lesbian.
Ulrika - ka ka ka ka ka ka ka ka.
Ursula - Likes puppies, in curry.
Vicky- Likes Yoga. And Women.
Wendy - Possibly a man.
Zoe - Talentless rock chick. Prepared to use sex as a weapon.
Zandra - Strange appearance, eats guinea pigs dipped in chocolate.
__________________
but the one time I found a live mole it tried to bite me. 
