Register Login
FIAT Auto Specialist Team
Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 26-04-2005   #1
Fat pigeon... APPLE!
 
JonnyBoy's Avatar
Join Date: May 2003
Posts: 2,007
Thanks: 5
Trader Rating: 1
JonnyBoy has donated!
United Kingdom 
The difference between private and comprehensive education

For the unaware, there is a slight difference between private schools and comprehensives in Britain. The Department of Education has realised this and has revised the secondary Maths Exam papers accordingly.



Attached are the most recent maths exam papers for your reference.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

MATHS TEST FOR COMPREHENSIVES





Name ____________________________





Nickname__________________________





Gang Name________________________





1. Simon has 0.5 kilos of cocaine. If he sells an 8 ball to Matt for 300 quid and 90 grams to Ollie for 90 quid, what is the street value of the rest of his hold?







2. Damon pimps 3 bitches. If the price is GBP40 a ride, how many jobs per day must each bitch perform to support Damon's GBP500 a day coke habit?







3. Crackster wants to cut the kilo of cocaine he bought for 7,000 quid to make a 20% profit. How many grams of Strychnine will he need?







4. Trev got 6 years for murder. He also got GBP350,000 for the hit. If his common law wife spends GBP33,100 per month, how much money will be left when he gets out?



Extra Credit Bonus: How much more time will Trev get for killing the slapper that spent his money?







5. If an average can of spray paint covers 22 square metres and the average letter is 1 square metre, how many letters can be sprayed with eight fluid ounce cans of spray paint with 20% extra paint free ?







6. Liam steals Jordan's skateboard. As Liam skates away at a speed of 35mph, Jordan loads his brother's Armalite. If it takes Jordan 20 seconds to load the gun, how far will Liam have travelled when he gets whacked?


--------------------------------------------------------------------------
MATHS TEST FOR PRIVATE SCHOOLS





Name______________________________________________ ________________
__________________________________________________ _________________
__________________________________________________ _________________
__________________________________________________ _________________
__________________________________________________ _________________
_________________________
(If longer please continue on a separate sheet)





School _______________________________________________





Daddy's/Mummy's Company ____________________________





1. Harry smashes up the old man's car, causing x amount of damage and killing 3 people. The old man asks his local Chief Constable to intervene in the court system, then forges his insurance claim and receives a payment of y. The difference between x and y is three times the life insurance settlement for the three dead people. What kind of car is Harry driving now?







2. Fiona's personal shopper decides to substitute generic and own-brand products for the designer goods favoured by her employer. In the course of a month she saves the price of a return ticket to Fiji and Fiona doesn't even notice the difference. Is she thick or what?







3. Tristram fancies the arse off a certain number of debutants, but he only has enough Rohypnol left to render 33.3% unconscious. If he has 14 tablets of Rohypnol, how is he ever going to shag the other two thirds?







4. If Verity throws up 4 times a day for a week she can fit into a size 8 Versace. If she only throws up 3 times a day for two weeks, she has to make do with a size 10 Dolce & Gabbana. How much does liposuction cost?







5. Henry is unsure about his sexuality. Three days a week he fancies women. On the other days he fancies men, ducks and vacuum cleaners. However he only has access to the Hoover every third week. When will he stand for parliament?
__________________
Past: '91 Uno 45 Formula; '94 Punto 55SX; '58 Bravo 1.9 Multijet (150BHP) Dynamic, with extra toys
Present: Several, but nowt Italian...
JonnyBoy is offline Reply With Quote Quote 
Old 26-04-2005   #2
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: NW London
Posts: 1,563
Thanks: 4
Trader Rating: 1
Trancendental has donated!
United Kingdom 
Re: The difference between private and comprehensive education

you know those public school questions are damn hard, no wonder we do so poorly when compared to students from private schools government aye!
__________________
FIAT Forum Useful Links:
Donate to FF | Buy FF Merchandise | Classifieds | FF Insurance | How-to Guides

Trancendental is offline Reply With Quote Quote 
Old 26-04-2005   #3
Stilo Xbox
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 350
Thanks: 0
Trader Rating: 0
ian stilo 1.6 has donated!
Bankers Brokers Slingo Champion
United Kingdom 
Re: The difference between private and comprehensive education

give over you were on the phone pricing it all up
__________________
FIAT Forum Useful Links:
Donate to FF | Buy FF Merchandise | Classifieds | FF Insurance | How-to Guides

ian stilo 1.6 is offline Reply With Quote Quote 
Old 26-04-2005   #4
hi friends :waves:
 
Liam's Avatar
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Scotland
Posts: 7,760
Thanks: 16
Trader Rating: 0
Liam has donated!
United Kingdom 
Re: The difference between private and comprehensive education

I thought I had got away with nicking that skateboard

Liam
__________________
Yes it's really me!

97 Cinq Sporting-RIP 09/10/06 BYE OLD FRIEND
Liam is offline Reply With Quote Quote 
Old 27-04-2005   #5
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: north kent
Posts: 2,578
Thanks: 0
Trader Rating: 0
joecinq has donated!
United Kingdom 
Talking Re: The difference between private and comprehensive education

LMAO jb, nice post
__________________
3rd Fiat - luck as good as ever
joecinq is offline Reply With Quote Quote 
Old 27-04-2005   #6
Join Date: Sep 2004
Posts: 238
Thanks: 0
Trader Rating: 0
United Kingdom 
Re: The difference between private and comprehensive education

...if only

I wouldn't mind the longer space for my name though
__________________
FIAT Forum Useful Links:
Donate to FF | Buy FF Merchandise | Classifieds | FF Insurance | How-to Guides

KirstyTL is offline Reply With Quote Quote 
Reply
Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump