From sniff petrol:
"Only days after the covers were taken off Fiat's new Croma, the unattractive range topper has won its first award after being declared The Most Pointless Car In The Entire World. This award, which is voted for by some people or other, had been tipped to be won by the new and extremely pointless SEAT Toledo, so the Croma's last minute victory will come as a surprise, especially to Fiat who usually has to buy expensive things for the Car of the Year jurors if it wants to win anything.
"We really were impressed with just how utterly pointless the new Croma is," said a Pointless Car Award spokesman. "I mean, the Toledo is basically just a slightly longer, slightly uglier Altea and that makes it pretty pointless but this, this is something else. Jesus, who on earth actually wants a sort of tallish not-quite-estate with styling that Giugiaro phoned in from a restaurant. I'm confident when I say that the new Fiat Croma really is just wasting valuable metals and plastics that could be better used to make washing machines, refrigerators or even cars that people might actually want to buy."
The new Croma goes on sale some time soon, but you probably won't actually see one unless you like going to Italy and taking pictures of the **** they're forced to use as police cars over there."
Couldn't resist this one as well:
"With the launch of the acclaimed new 3-series, BMW has also revealed details of a sophisticated new electronics package that is aimed straight at the new car's core market. Dubbed Bellendtronic, the new system is fully integrated into the car's control systems and allows a range of functions including full disablement of the indicators, perilously late activation of the brakes and an adapted radar cruise control that allows the driver to sit 4mm from your back bumper in the outside lane of the M6.
Amongst other neat touches, Bellendtronic can also apply light brake pressure at all times, covering the wheels in dust, something that will be a particular benefit if your fleet manager wouldn't let you specify alloy wheels and you want to disguise ugly plastic rim covers or the fact that if you weren't such an aspirational little **** you'd have gone for a rather better equipped Honda Accord. Initially Bellendtronic will be available on the forthcoming 316i and 318i models only, but the system is expected to become standard fitment for all models in the smaller 1-series range within a year.
Other German makers are expected to follow BMW's lead, including Audi who is poised to make certain versions of the A4 available with a rival system dubbed 'Pushy**** Plus'."
How the Bellendtronic button might look, yesterday
"Only days after the covers were taken off Fiat's new Croma, the unattractive range topper has won its first award after being declared The Most Pointless Car In The Entire World. This award, which is voted for by some people or other, had been tipped to be won by the new and extremely pointless SEAT Toledo, so the Croma's last minute victory will come as a surprise, especially to Fiat who usually has to buy expensive things for the Car of the Year jurors if it wants to win anything.
"We really were impressed with just how utterly pointless the new Croma is," said a Pointless Car Award spokesman. "I mean, the Toledo is basically just a slightly longer, slightly uglier Altea and that makes it pretty pointless but this, this is something else. Jesus, who on earth actually wants a sort of tallish not-quite-estate with styling that Giugiaro phoned in from a restaurant. I'm confident when I say that the new Fiat Croma really is just wasting valuable metals and plastics that could be better used to make washing machines, refrigerators or even cars that people might actually want to buy."
The new Croma goes on sale some time soon, but you probably won't actually see one unless you like going to Italy and taking pictures of the **** they're forced to use as police cars over there."
Couldn't resist this one as well:
"With the launch of the acclaimed new 3-series, BMW has also revealed details of a sophisticated new electronics package that is aimed straight at the new car's core market. Dubbed Bellendtronic, the new system is fully integrated into the car's control systems and allows a range of functions including full disablement of the indicators, perilously late activation of the brakes and an adapted radar cruise control that allows the driver to sit 4mm from your back bumper in the outside lane of the M6.
Amongst other neat touches, Bellendtronic can also apply light brake pressure at all times, covering the wheels in dust, something that will be a particular benefit if your fleet manager wouldn't let you specify alloy wheels and you want to disguise ugly plastic rim covers or the fact that if you weren't such an aspirational little **** you'd have gone for a rather better equipped Honda Accord. Initially Bellendtronic will be available on the forthcoming 316i and 318i models only, but the system is expected to become standard fitment for all models in the smaller 1-series range within a year.
Other German makers are expected to follow BMW's lead, including Audi who is poised to make certain versions of the A4 available with a rival system dubbed 'Pushy**** Plus'."
How the Bellendtronic button might look, yesterday
