- Drive everywhere without using your indicators. Make people guess what you're going to do
- Do no more than 20mph less than the advertised speed limit. If someone looks like they're going to overtake you, veer into their lane. Don't change lanes, just veer into them.
- Stop. For no reason at all. Anywhere you like. Get out of the van and just walk away. Pay no attention to the growing queue of traffic behind you.
- When pulling out of a side street don't slow down. In fact don't hesitate at all. Just lurch out into traffic. People will slam on the brakes to avoid you.
- Flick your cigarette butt out the window while traffic is stationary. Don't worry that it's falling on the fabric hood of the convertible beside you.
- Spit out the window whenever you feel like. Don't worry, that's what other people have wipers for.
If you feel wrong doing any of this, don't worry. Remember, you're a Van driver, not a real human being.