What's made you smile today?

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What's made you smile today?

https://youtu.be/2hn31vLKgho

Just wow..when they can't even get the press demo car to work for day.

Also yesterday I was driving out to take little un (yes that is all I do with my car at the moment as we online shop and I work from home) I may have held up a Mclaren briefly. Pulled off into the car park I was aiming at and realised that he was the head of a convoy of about 20 Mclarens. Who were probably all there for the same road as I was there for but I imagine will be slightly faster along it.

Never seen that many supercars in the wild nevermind 20 of the same brand out up on the moors near Consett!
 
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This is why forums need to be kept alive with proper advice and moderators to get rid of the idiots giving wrong fixes. its a joke pic but rings true with some of the advice ive seen given on facebook. often its not even in a car group but on a local community page so no one there to correct it.

ben.JPG
 
Thing of the past in our village, years ago you would see several blokes out under the bonnet or under the car, self servicing and making good. What we have now is new vehicles most on lease hire what have you. The SUV is king here. :D
 
Yes, the wee Citroens are extraordinary in snow aren't they! When we first moved back to Scotland we had a run of bad luck. The sale of our house down near Camberley fell through shortly after we'd returned to Scotland (the English way of selling and buying houses is so uncertain compared to ours) and we'd already fully committed to buying up here. So for several months we had to fund a bridging loan for the full amount of our new house. The interest swallowed almost my entire monthly salary every month so we were living on my wife's earnings as a school administrator and some of our meager savings.

Then our old Datsun decided it would be a good time to succumb to the dreaded tin worm in the biggest possible way (a "trick" that those early Datsuns were absolute masters at) So we needed a "new" car quickly as our new house was out in the country and I was working at a garage in the local town.

That very weekend we were at a car park sale where people had their cars parked next to the trestle tables where they had items for sale displayed. Alongside one table was a red Citroen Dyane, beautifully polished, which the people had obviously used to travel in. I made some sort of joke with him about how well he had presented the car for sale and, to my surprise, he replied that yes, it was for sale. I laughed and we walked on. However as we wandered around I started thinking well, why not? Although a little voice kept saying, "for goodness sake Jock, it's a Citroen, get real son, behave yourself!" Of course I snuck back and had a good crawl around it and was amazed at it's lack of rust. Then I took a wee drive in it and it was - very different but, ok? - what finally clinched it was how little money he was prepared to take for it (although that worried me - why, what's wrong with it?)

On the Monday I stuck it up on a ramp at work and the only thing I could find was it needed King pins and bushes and a set of front brake shoes. Both jobs were absolute sods to do! The king pins were siezed in and had to be violently persuaded to capitulate (she spent almost a week in a corner of the workshop with me working part time after work on her and I had to rent some tools from the nearby Citroen indy) The front brakes on these small Citroens are inboard mounted on the gearbox - as you'll know - The later models had discs and weren't too bad to do, but mine, naturally, was one of the ones with drums! Not only that but these early linings were like the very early Land Rovers where the pivoted end of the lining was mounted on an eccentric swivel. The linings were not self centering! So you had to lightly coat the inside of the drum with chalk. Refit it, and remember, just to make it more difficult, the drive shaft was running through the middle of it! then gently adjust the lining up 'till it was just kissing the drum and rotate the drum a couple of revs. Then remove the drum again and see how the lining was contacting the drum from the chalk which had transferred to the lining. Then "fiddle" with the eccentric and do it all again until the face of the lining was kissing the drum over it's whole face! Endless hours of "fun".

We had that car for several years until the family finances improved and went all over Britain in it - Not very quickly, but we always got there and didn't spent a lot on fuel. It was astonishing what could be packed into it. But, back to your point about being good in the snow. The village where we bought hat house was at the top of a steep and long hill. At the bottom of the hill was a quarry. In the winter there was an unspoken agreement that village residents could leave their cars in the quarry yard when the snow was bad, and most did. The only vehicles which could get up were 4x4s and my Dyane! It would only be stopped by the very deepest snow falls and became a bit of a legend in the village. Local kids would hang about to watch me returning from work! I'm sure it was the combination of very skinny tires (125x15 if I remember?) and the very modest power and torque available from the 650cc engine.

Musselburgh Autojumble was a regular annual haunt for me but hasn't been held for years now and I don't fancy the crowds at the Glamis Transport Extravaganza whre I'm told there is an excellent autojumble.

Regarding the hillclimbing, Doune is my nearest and it's the one I am most usually at. I just love the informality and "family friendly" atmosphere. It's the motor cyclist that amaze me, especially the side car passengers. Rumour has it that the starter has a special box where they deposit their brains for the duration of the run up the hill! This chap is one of the fastest and this video gives you a good view of the course.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YrsVc_hu7O8
With the Drag Racing, I used to go to Santa Pod when I was a lot younger but, once back in Scotland, that became much more difficult. Then my daughter's husband took up a contract in Southern Maryland (USA) and I started going to Budds Creek (Grandly named "Maryland International Raceway"):
https://www.racemdir.com/
I've spent many happy hours wandering around the pits and sweltering under the sun sitting on the "bleachers" watching a very wide variety of vehicles. Here's some pics from 2012 (Remembered to take the camera that time)

Maryland spring 2012 05-05-2012 15-28-07 2048x1536 12-05-2012 16-22-28 2048x1536.JPG

Maryland spring 2012 05-05-2012 15-28-07 2048x1536 12-05-2012 16-35-30 2048x1536.JPG

Where I made a number of good friends who were fascinated by this Scotsman who seemed to know quite a lot about their "American" sport. Now "the kids" are back in Britain I'm really missing these visits.
 
'From the Archives': Stop:Start function

IF the battery is supposedly fully charged, but struggles to start the car - then it's faulty

as others have said, there are so many parameters restricting the operation of
Start\Stop

My punto required the seatbelt to be plugged in before starting.. MY ECU had 1340 logged faults for this "crime"

worked perfectly once the fault codes were cleared

Charlie


So long ago.. 1300 errors I recall..
It messing up S:S.. I had forgotten :eek:

Not that I am going back to FIAT for this minor benefit though.. ;)
 
Holy Mother of God! That is fast AND narrow! No room for errors going up there, then!

Have you ever considered writing a book? I'm serious. You write some compelling articles in here, Jock; written really well and they make for the most enjoyable read!

The article on your Citroen Dyane was very interesting. I never had time to actually work on my 2CV as I was constantly pulling old MGs apart and simply didn't have the time, instead I took it to a local 2CV specialist to do all my work for what seemed like peanuts.

I was aware that the Citroen's biggest problem was rusting chassis'. Many 2CVs have now had their chassis' replaced when new galvanised replacement chassis' became available some years ago.
I always put the amazing snow performance down to those skinny tyres combined with the fact the car was so light - the tyres themselves never looked much but they really held on.

If you think sorting out the brakes on the Dyane were bad, you should try setting up four cable operated brakes on a vintage car! The system is simple enough but the adjustment at the wheels and the handbrake means that you have to keep adjusting each cable in a set order and in conjunction with the handbrake until you reach an equilibrium of adjustment - in other words a compromise, I suppose!

Set up correctly the 8" brakes can stop the car in a straight line ...eventually!
I could fit the bigger 12" brakes or convert to hydraulic but its not very authentic
 

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Sure is narrow isn't it. Absolutely no room for error, until you get up into the top field anyway. The first bit between those narrow barriers ends with a sharp right into a steepish bit of the hill. That's called "Garden Gate" and is notorious for people loosing control as it is under the trees and never dries out properly with some moss there to catch the unwary out. Also the most interesting place to watch the sidecar passengers as they try to lean out as far as possible but still avoid being decapitated by the armco! Here's a good example of someone who probably needed clean underpants when they got to the top!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rh8b8pxf0cc

If you want to see a good video on the 2cv king pins and what it's like to do them go on you tube and search "Hammer time 2cv king pin replacement" this is a really good description of what it's like to do, and remember this is someone who is used to doing this. Imagine what it was like doing one when you'd never done one before. By the way this Hub Nut chap does some very entertaining videos, well worth looking out for them. As you say the chassis is always one of the main problems on these and on our dyane it was the fact that it was almost unmarked that was one of the major deciders.

Writing a book? Don't know if I've got the patience or the time - given the family involvement with grandchildren. We are doing "permitted" childcare duties at this time but if total lockdown comes in maybe that would keep me sane? I have however done a small number of articles, one was a two pager, for Car Mechanics Mag. Unpaid so far, but that's Ok.

I've never fiddled around with cable brakes much and the oldest cars I've owned were Morris's (1935 Series 1 Morris 8) I did also have a 1930 approx, Morris Minor which I learned to drive round the fields but I never messed with the brakes on that (I was just in my early teens and wouldn't have known what to do anyway) The 8 though was hydraulic. My Pal had a Ford Model Y at that time and I remember it was cables. He was always fiddling with it. I remember it had "compensators" - sort of swinging levers - on the axles which were supposed to equalize effort side to side to reduce/eliminate pulling. He always used to say that by stamping on the brake pedal were really only signaling an intent to slow down! The Morris always stopped much better - I quickly learned to follow him! Always envied him his shell bearings in the Ford engine though, mine were melted on white metal!
 
Holy Mother of God! That is fast AND narrow! No room for errors going up there, then!

Fast narrow and no room for error Max. Much as I love the hillclimbing, and of course it's a completely different discipline, It's as nothing compared to top level drag racing. If you ever get a chance to go to a really big meet where the "Top Fuel" cars are running - you can sometimes see them at Santa Pod where all the European cars contest a round of the championship - Then go. People think it's boring because it's all straight line but nothing could be further from the truth where 11,000 horse power monsters burning highly volatile methanol and nitro methane fuels are involved. The exhaust impulses actually beat upon your body, you can feel it on your chest cavity and the acceleration (0 to 330 mph over a quarter of a mile in around 3.5 seconds with the driver subjected to around 5G) is such a violent thing to observe you wouldn't believe it. I've taken friends who said they actually felt frightened! I also enjoy the technical innovation needed for these things to hang together and get the power through to the ground, not just the engines but the "slipper" clutches (at this level there are no gearboxes, they just run the one gear with very sophisticated infinitely adjusting slipper clutches) and, of course, with my background, the tyres which have "wrinkle walls to increase footprint at launch and grow by up to a foot or so in diameter at high speed so give a form of "gearing". Watching a crew do an engine rebuild between rounds, in about half to three quarters of an hour, and they pretty much do this every time the car runs, is a truly awesome think to behold. I can even just find myself enjoying and admiring the quality of a weld!

It's now all getting so fast that some strips are limiting runs to eighth of a mile. Knowing about the "Christmas tree" start light system might also help understand how things work:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eh8Xp7dN3k0

This video give you a taste of what it's all about:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DJ9EoM6LpEE

The bikes can be pretty spectacular too. Here's some action at our own Santa Pod:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KbfwuYJEYv4

By the way all that wheel spinning is to clean off the tyre surface and also to heat the surface of the rubber so it gets "sticky"

There have been many characters over the years. Wild Willie Borsch and the Winged Express which has been rebuilt and still races, spectacularly, today. E J Potter (the Mitchigan Madman). Jungle Jim Liberman and Jungle Pam who were real show makers. There are many more.
 
All this talk of 2CV and rusty chassis reminded me of a guy I used to go surfing with. He had company cars but used the 2CV for surfing as you could take all the seats out and stick about 3 longboards in it no troubles!

Anyway, he bought it brand new and the chassis had rusted out before the first MoT! He complained via his local dealer who promised to do something about it.

A month or so later he's at home one Saturday when there's a knock at the door and there is a Citroen lorry outside his house. Happy days he thought.

The delivery driver says "Where do you want this new chassis mate?" :D:D:D:D
 
Daily driver is 8 years old and still the original battery, still starting fine although showing 12 volts when switched off. Now, I’ve heard that although still doing the job a low battery can lead to problems regarding the electrics, and winter is just round the corner so I thought new battery. Popped into Halfords as I have a trade card:) Wee three cylinder job so not a big battery £85 was on the tag, flash my card and it’s £45 :D pleased, a four year one at that. :D
 
Halfords Trade Cards can open the door to some real bargains. I'd be very interested in your opinion Jim. I have one too and I value it greatly but I've found it doesn't get big discounts on everything. In fact the range of stuff which qualifies is quite narrow. On the whole it has to be Halfords branded and it has to be directly related to car repair.

I've found batteries to be one of the front runners but have had some very substantial discounts on their Professional/Advance tool range. Own branded oil is pretty good too but doesn't benefit me as I like the Fuchs brand. With things like dash cams and the like you'll do better to look for online bargains.

I love the fact they are open on a Sunday when all the trade sources are closed. Although their "on the shelf" parts range is quite limited (things like ball joints, track rod ends, wheel cylinders, etc) they hold a good choice of service parts (Oils, filters, screen wiper blades, etc) It's got me out of trouble more than a few times.
 
Aye Jock, you’re spot on. The range is limited for real savings, all car related stuff cleaning stuff, I’ve had some oil bargains, tools as well. Halfords was practically the first in the off the shelf parts when not too many car variations about. They get a bit of stick from time to time, but they’ve always been there for me. They are in a bit of financial trouble at the moment and some of their places will be closing.

Personally for me they started to fall down when they began garage work, tyres were OK surprisingly, so many other places do tyres, but Halfords still kept up and if you were prepared to haggle, well here anyway, bargains were had. Of course car factors stock far more choice and will get things for you.

I still have tools bought in Halfords from decades ago, decent quality by the way. I still have a container that had screen wash in it that I still use for mixing from the 70s Reminds me of happy times when things were easier and uncomplicated when owning my first vehicles. :D
 
The biggest savings have been on wiper blades and light bulbs; I like to help out with the neighbour's cars so if they ever need triavial stuff like that and I happen to be passing a Halfrauds store, I'll pop in.

I've made some good savings on the Pro range of tools but the best savings come with the special offers that they continually do - which kind of makes a mockery of the trade-card in my opinion.

There's never much of a saving on cleaning stuff either which is irritating as I get through loads of it (having said that they dont have everything - I use Collinite 845 wax) , but I made a killing on new Pagid discs for my previous Suzuki Jimny (y)

Halfrauds continually miss a trick with the increasing number of owners with classic cars - they could do a nice range of Whitiworth tools. ...And for the bikers among us I see very little in there nowadays. In fact I commented to a friend that it all seems to be bicycles, kiddies car seats and camping gear these days (n)
 
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https://youtu.be/2hn31vLKgho

Just wow..when they can't even get the press demo car to work for day.

Having finally had a chance to watch this (it’s a long video) I’m assuming you mean the voice control stuff for the satnav ?

On another video about the ID4 which is on its way they make further comments about the poor voice control set up VW use, the main problem being most of the heating if not controlled on the touch screen is controlled by voice.

On fully charged he also reported problems with the satnav on the id3 namely it showing KPH speed limits on uk roads, seems there are still a lot of bumps to iron out.

I kinda like the over all look and I’m sure we’ll see them everywhere before long but it is lacking anything that makes it stand out, really it looks a bit like what a Chinese made fake version of a golf might look like.

I see Skoda are also now talking about their own electric vehicles.

Companies like fiat should worry, VW have spent billions in the last 5 years and are pushing to change all their cars to an electric platform, if that includes very, seat, Skoda and audi combined with some hybrids for bigger engined cars, then it’s going to leave everyone else behind, and may take a big chunk of Tesla’s customers with things like the Porsche taycan
 
Having finally had a chance to watch this (it’s a long video) I’m assuming you mean the voice control stuff for the satnav ?

On another video about the ID4 which is on its way they make further comments about the poor voice control set up VW use, the main problem being most of the heating if not controlled on the touch screen is controlled by voice.

On fully charged he also reported problems with the satnav on the id3 namely it showing KPH speed limits on uk roads, seems there are still a lot of bumps to iron out.

I kinda like the over all look and I’m sure we’ll see them everywhere before long but it is lacking anything that makes it stand out, really it looks a bit like what a Chinese made fake version of a golf might look like.

I see Skoda are also now talking about their own electric vehicles.

Companies like fiat should worry, VW have spent billions in the last 5 years and are pushing to change all their cars to an electric platform, if that includes very, seat, Skoda and audi combined with some hybrids for bigger engined cars, then it’s going to leave everyone else behind, and may take a big chunk of Tesla’s customers with things like the Porsche taycan

Fiat will clearly just use the PSA electric platform why would they build their own?

Also did you miss all of the forward assistance systems throwing a wobbler? That was cured by switching it off and leaving it over night.

Unless of course as a battery saving measure it decides to let you crash into the car in front and that that strobe effect on the dash actually takes 2000v to operate that would seem like it's not working as intended.
 
Also did you miss all of the forward assistance systems throwing a wobbler? That was cured by switching it off and leaving it over night.

I didn’t watch it all it was a half hour review of a single car and to be honest the driving the car till the battery runs out has been done to death, car wow never does a proper review, realistically the name of the game is to sell you any car via car wow so it usually gets boring quickly
 
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