A guy goes into confession...... "Bless me father, I jerked off."

The priest says.... "That's terrible! Now why would you do such a thing!?"

The guy responds...." I didn't have anything better to do."

The priest, now angry, says...."That just won't do ! You go sit outside in the pew there, and when I'm through with confessions, we're going to have a serious talk!"

Feeling ashamed, the guy goes out to sit and await the priest.

Soon, Mrs. O'Leary comes into the confessional. The priest has known her for many years, and she always confesses to the same sins......little white lies, gossip, vanity.

As she is ready to leave, she says...."Oh, Father, and by the way....I baked a nice apple pie for you....I left it with the young gentleman sitting out in the pew there.....You can pick it up when you're through!"

The priest thanks her, hears a few more confessions, and then goes out to have that talk with the young sinner.

Sure enough, there's the guy, sitting in the pew, awaiting his lecture....The priest says......" Well, I'm ready for that talk, now........but , tell me, did a nice old lady leave an apple pie with you ?"

"Oh, yeah." says the guy..... "I ate it."

The priest is absolutely livid now, and in an excited voice says....." YOU ATE IT?????.....That was MY pie ! She left it for ME, not YOU!...Why did you eat MY pie??????"

The guy says..." I didn't have anything better to do."

The priest says....." Why didn't you just jerk off ???????"