How to tell someone to stop driving..

AgnessGP · May 9, 2013

Basically, my step dad's dad is nearing 80 and after an eventful trip, he decided it has come the time to tell him to stop driving. Obviously this is very difficult and he did not react well when the idea was mentioned.

Has anyone else had anything like this?

Most Easterly Pandas · May 9, 2013

Luckily my grandad decided to give up under his own choice, best way I always think of it is tell them they've hard a good safe run and let them end it that way, not with a serious accident.

Ziggy122 · May 9, 2013

My grandad was told to stop by the hospitial due to vision issues

But dont dance around the tree, get straight to the point
In his own safety and everybody else if he does the correct thing

Ziggy

SeanW · May 9, 2013

Friend of mine tried telling her Dad loads of times, everything from the softly-softly approach to "AAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHH....DAD...YOU'RE A F*@#ING MANIAC!!" (or words to that effect).

He finally stopped when he had an accident and admitted that he'd been unable to see properly for about 18 months :-S

Some people just can't be told!

As a family, we used to have a bet on whether or not we'd survive with one of my Great Uncles...he'd frequently ask what colour the light was...halfway across the junction or just not see them (or other road users). It really was a blessing when he lost his license on medical grounds!

Liquid Knight · May 9, 2013

Show his this...

http://www.norfolk.police.uk/newsandevents/newsstories/2013/may/driverdiesinholtcollision.aspx

...may work.

AgnessGP · May 9, 2013

Yeah I think the hard way is probably better. The problem is, he seems to see it like he's doing it on purpose to irritate him for some reason. I can understand why you would deny that you're unable to drive though...it's a huge reality to take in.

He said on the way home he was crossing lanes on roundabouts and hitting curbs on corners, things like that.

Focus Owner · May 9, 2013

get him a driving lesson

sludgeguts · May 9, 2013

I was quite lucky with my dad. He was moaning (as usual) about the price of fuel & car insurance & we talked about why he kept a car when he only used it for local shopping.
I talked him into buying an electric scooter - 8mph, about 35miles range, zero tax & insurance & almost zero running costs - plus he could get it even closer to shops than his blue badge allowed - result

A mate of mine went about it a different way - he kept 'tinkering' with the car without his dad knowing - every time his dad tried to use the car it had a new fault preventing it from starting. Of course, he just happened to know a really great mechanic (

) who'd nip round & perform miracle surgery (mate's rates - loads of coffee & choc hobnobs :yum

(course, it's so easy to fix when you know what the problem was. The hard part was making up 'faults'.
The old boy finally had enough of the messing about, sold the car & bought an electric scooter.

AgnessGP · May 9, 2013

sludgeguts said:
I was quite lucky with my dad. He was moaning (as usual) about the price of fuel & car insurance & we talked about why he kept a car when he only used it for local shopping.
I talked him into buying an electric scooter - 8mph, about 35miles range, zero tax & insurance & almost zero running costs - plus he could get it even closer to shops than his blue badge allowed - result

A mate of mine went about it a different way - he kept 'tinkering' with the car without his dad knowing - every time his dad tried to use the car it had a new fault preventing it from starting. Of course, he just happened to know a really great mechanic ( ) who'd nip round & perform miracle surgery (mate's rates - loads of coffee & choc hobnobs :yum (course, it's so easy to fix when you know what the problem was. The hard part was making up 'faults'.
The old boy finally had enough of the messing about, sold the car & bought an electric scooter.

Haha i'd cave in after a week though. Knowing what's wrong and him being gutted about it

jamesdt · May 9, 2013

Had the old guy next door to me literally use his bumpers to find where to stop when parking.............luckily he cant drive for medical reasons anymore so will never drive again phewww!!!

i sound soo heartless but honestly hes been hitting my car for years when parking!!

Ziggy122 · May 9, 2013

jamesdt said:
Had the old guy next door to me literally use his bumpers to find where to stop when parking.............luckily he cant drive for medical reasons anymore so will never drive again phewww!!!

i sound soo heartless but honestly hes been hitting my car for years when parking!!

If that was me - i'd of put a camera up to prove he hits the car and be claiming no end on his insurance,

Ziggy

Most Easterly Pandas · May 9, 2013

Ziggy122 said:
If that was me - i'd of put a camera up to prove he hits the car and be claiming no end on his insurance,

Ziggy

Assuming he was causing damage

Focus Owner · May 10, 2013

go out n buy this episode of south park http://www.southparkstudios.com/clips/154175/crazy-old-drivers
[ame]http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grey_Dawn[/ame]

Ffoxy · May 10, 2013

Depends. If his problem is purely vision based, then why not get him glasses, or visit an optician at least to see if existing glasses need replacement? Or has his spatial awareness vanished? Is he diabetic maybe, and suffering from diabetic retinopathy? Glasses wont fix that unfortunately. Or is it his reactions, physical strength failing... anything else?
Being able to drive or not can be an old persons last reason to live or not... be aware, losing that much independence can be a life changer, but I agree, for the safety of others if he just cant be trusted anymore he has to stop.

Offer him an alternative and the path will be easier.

AgnessGP · May 10, 2013

His vision is poor, as is his judgement. It sounds like things move too quick for him now... I see exactly what you mean Ffoxy

jamesdt · May 10, 2013

Ziggy122 said:
If that was me - i'd of put a camera up to prove he hits the car and be claiming no end on his insurance,

Ziggy

luckily for him it was my old car with a towbar i made sure the front faces my work van he could hit the bar all day for all i cared, only bought the new car since hes stopped driving

AndyRKett · May 10, 2013

This accident occurred accross the road from my parents old shop a couple of years back

http://www.eveningnews24.co.uk/news/witness_appeal_over_fatal_crash_in_acle_1_949172

Basically the driver with no previous heart problems suffered a heart attack at the wheel which wouldn't have killed him had he then not become trapped in the car and taken ages to cut him out, he also had his grand children in the back from what I remember, who where badly hurt as a result

pooroldcodger · May 10, 2013

Lose his keys

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